Pokemon: The Next Generation

Kotaku has a story out today about the newest Pokemon (character, above) signaling the beginning of the new Pokemon (game, movie). This is now the FIFTH generation of Pokemon games and, probably, characters. While the last time I complained about the ever expansive nature of the franchise and yearned for the days of only 150 characters I have come to realize now that this is no longer being made for me so in reality who gives a flying fuck.

The whole situation reminded me of the Power Rangers franchise. One which I grew up with, thoroughly enjoyed and was soon disappointed with. Like with Pokemon my main problem was the move from the original characters to replacements which threatened the very show I loved. I was pissed off when three original rangers were replaced, little that I know that the reason they were being replaced was because they wanted more money.

I was also angry when the Might Morphin' Power Rangers became the Zeo (or whatever) Rangers. Again, little that I know that this was inevitable as the entire show was nothing more than a repurpose of a Japanese show that had been running for thirty years each year changing the costumes and even the protagonists. Had I known this maybe I would have been more inclined to roll with the punches, instead I ended up letting go of my obsession. Of course the fact that puberty was around the corner and I was attending a school with mandatory uniforms didn't hurt either.

But getting back to Pokemon: its now gotten to the point where not only myself but two or three other generations are just about over it yet it continues to thrive as one of Nintendo's most important franchises. The reason is obvious: it finds new markets (you know like capitalism has to necessarily do according to Marx), new kids to which to advertise and to give them something new they add new characters. This makes them feel special while simultaneously giving the older obsessive some more to obsess about.

Loser of the week: A little late on this but its Jim Caldwell. Congrats mate you lost the Superbowl while having the best quarterback in the history of the league on your team. That doesn't happen, it shouldn't happen, Peyton Manning only loses to the Chargers in the playoffs and with the Chargers out of the way you rode the easiest way to the big game possibly ever and you...become more conservative than George W. Bush in 2004 and call some horrible plays. You were up 10-0 go for the fucking jugular! but no, you let the nervous Saints back in and now its gonna be Mardi Gras all year long. Congrats man, you probably wont be back.

Pokemon!

double psyduck ftw

Lets talk about Pokemon today. I dont believe there has ever been anything that went from fad to phenomenon to lame to retro cool in such a small span as Pokemon did. If I remember correctly it came to America roughly ten years ago, it was massive on the Game Boy and it was a merchandising juggernaut. There was Pokemon in everything from school supplies to macaroni to cars because demand was so ridiculous. Of course the crown jewel of the entire thing were the Pokemon cards whose main achievement was to set the stage for Yu Gi Oh and spawn a disturbing number of Wizards of the Coast stores. Ah the late 90's!

I was of course a nerd hooked on the whole thing even in the 7th and 8th grade. Yes I have a shit ton of Pokemon cards (some of my favourites) and yes I went to see the first movie on its release day and yes I left it all behind as soon as I found a girlfriend who would not have any of that shit. I once spent $25 on a Charizard card and guess what? I don't regret it. But it all ended, just like my Power Rangers obsession before it, when they got too cute, when they started getting greedy, specifically when the 150 monster roster ballooned into an unwielding beast which now probably numbers in the 500s.

The main problem is that the first 150 characters seemed to all have distinct personalities and designs, the later designs started getting lazy. Sure there were some standouts but for the most part the basic design session probably consisted of someone either finding a plant or an animal, painting it a weird color and then adding unnecessary zig zags and swatches and spikes and doodads. Not only did it get difficult to keep track of all the new characters but it also became boring. I mean except for Mudkips and this guy every character after Mewtwo is a fucking alien looking ponce.

But it made a comeback! usually for something to become retro cool at least two decades have to pass. Take the 80's: everybody fuckin loves Thundercats, the NES and so on. That retro cool fad hit its apotheosis in the 2000's, two decades later. Pokemon has made a comeback only a decade into its prominence in America. Now its cool to like oldschool Pokemon, its hip, so much so that my artsy girlfriend even wears a Pikachu shirt happily! (well maybe not happily). The franchise has made a remarkable comeback and its still holding strong in its earnest, non-ironic side.

So was Pokemon good? fuck yeah. It brought anime to America in a way that DragonBall and Sailor Moon couldn't. It brought the Japanese tradition of heavy merchandising, it made the religious zealots uneasy, it made nerds to collected them all Gods and those who didn't pussies. It turned boys into men and prevented this guy from getting laid. Pokemon!

Dirty Pirate, Poet

You know you're a video game nerd when someone asks you something about the great Spanish writer Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra and you automatically picture his namesake from the Soul Calibur series.

Ok I'll grant you that Miguel de Cervantes is an obscure character to most Americans, especially to those Americans preoccupied with fighting games but I'm not most Americans. I (almost) minored in Spanish in college, I took and mastered AP classes in both Spanish Language and Literature! I'm the cousin of a pretentious poser who every year goes to the Mexican bourgeois booze and book fest known as the "Cervantino". I should know better.

But Cervantes (the character) has a certain charm to him. I remember my first encounter with him and the soul series, playing at a ragtag arcade establishment in Tijuana after school. Of course the original Soul Blade was primitive by today's standards but it looked amazing then. The inclusion of a Spanish named character was something to be amazed about, it didnt matter that he was essentially just a dirty pirate, he was still essentially a badass and in an odd way he represented "my people". It was the beginning of an odd fascination/love for the series which goes on up to today.

Sub Par

As I was playing the Batman game (which is more difficult in the "easy" setting) I realized that I had played a similar game before but I couldn't quite put my finger on it. Sure it felt like Mortal Kombat with the dumb "realistic" graphics and clumsy movements (reminiscent of The Nightmare Before Christmas) but its not a fighting game and I just knew I had played a platformer with the same stupid gameplay.

Then it hit me: Mortal Kombat Mythologies: Sub Zero. Man did this game suck. You played as Sub Zero and you walked around poorly rendered stages so that you could then have the right to beat up on one of the characters from the MK games. Completely unnecessary, completely random but an interesting sidestep on Mortal Kombat's eventual move from motion capture to complete 3D, relying ever more heavily on tons of poorly designed, poorly rendered, mostly forgettable characters.

Not a great lineage for the Batman game for sure. By the way this is the first time I use a cover as the post picture. I have to admit its great looking artwork, the frosty logo and blue scheme meshes nicely with the N64 red border. Great stuff, not that I like the Mortal Kombat logo, I never did, it always felt like somebody designed a logo and then had somebody create a game around it, I guess variety and violence can get you pretty far.

The Internet Museum of Awesome

If there's something that is sorely missed now that we have transitioned to the user generated Web 2.0 is the old dedicated sites. Be it on geocities or lycos, be it a site devoted to pictures of a particular celebrity or to Zangief there was a sort of relief from finding out that not only did someone else share your niche obsession but they have also gone through the trouble of collecting pictures, interviews and data all in one place.

But most of these personal sites are now either gone (like the Zangief Shrine which I could not link to above) or have been replaced by celebrity rags, user blogs or social networking sites. It is therefore a true pleasure to discover a site as devoted as the castle of collectibles. This place has a huge amount of posters and other media not only from the old SNK/Neo Geo games but also the current generation.

The gallery might be a dancing baby short of coming straight from the late 90's but the layout is meaningless when compared to the amount of awesome that the website houses. Posters range from the very early, cartoony ones (at the apex of video game kitsch) to some truly magnificent examples (that last one, by the way, one of my favourite ever SNK pics, heres a better look). The great thing is that the guy who runs the site has most of the posters and the pictures posted are of the actual item.

Of course if posters are not your thing there are other sections, including a graph that shows you what games are available for what system and the Vault which houses a ton of old Neo Geo memorabilia, so much in fact that it comes with an old school warning for dial-up users. Yep, this site has so much kitschy goodness and do want that its hard to quantify in a single post, luckily its still there and is actually updated frequently so its a great time waster. I'm adding a links section and this is definitely going on it. It's times like these I wish I had the disposable income to foster my obsessions.

Check it out here
Neo BomberMan's Castle of Collectibles

Alt. Beast.

This blog has an admittedly romanticized view of the late 80's to early 90's period in video game history. As such most of the reviews consist of me talking about how much I missed a certain game, how much I enjoyed it and how much I enjoy it now that we have been reunited. Well get ready to rock the proverbial boat because this is not one of those.

Altered Beast for the Sega Master System was one of the first games I played as a kid. It was a time when my allegiances were squarely with Sega and I considered all their games, from this to My Hero and Sonic, way better than Mario and his motley crew of castmates. I would change my mind quickly with time but this is how it was at first, and I indeed enjoyed this game to no end.

The main plot is pretty simple: you play a skinny white dude who walks around in a leotard punching zombies and assorted greek mythological beings in hopes of getting power ups that at first make him stronger (insert steroid joke here) and later turn him into one of four beasts (one for each stage).

While the plot is exceptional (and even more so to a young child), time has not been kind to the game. The game itself is slow, the main character is erratic in his punches and groin kicks, jumping requires too much technique and even though most cyclops' can be killed with one punch their sheer number makes for one difficult game. The level of difficulty is admirable the technological limitations make for some frustrating gameplay.

This is only a problem when our hero is in human form, once he converts to beast (wolf, dragon, tiger or the lazily powerful golden wolf) he speeds up and strengthens dramatically. The problem with this is that the game is only fun when the main character is a beast, at other times it feels like you're simply controlling an imbecile. This is quite a shame because the game does have an exorbitant amount of win in it, from the standard man-saves-woman plot to the mythological setting, the bosses and the excellent cut scenes once the protagonist is, well, altered.

This is a game I really wanted to like, I really wanted to buy it again and I really had it high on a pedestal as one of the best games for the old Sega system. But even though the concept is great, so much so that there was a PS2 sequel with some great stylized beasts, I simply could not get over how badly it has aged. Maybe one day I'll have a few too many Sapporos and download it on a whim, for now though it is one of only a handful of disappointments.

The Accidental Video Game Porn Archive

This website is why user generated content on the Internet rocks. Fuck, I cant even imagine the days of the AOL walled garden or the days before blogs, myspace, facebook, rss readers and so on.

The accidental video game porn archive is a site that would not have been possible in those days, not only because of the difficulty of starting your own website but also dealing with limited technology that made gathering pictures, videos and so on impossible.

But this is no longer the case and now we are able to take old video games (which this blogger loves, obviously) and meticulously gather all the instances in which pornography accidentaly takes place in them.

The results are amazing, and they are grouped into handy categories depending on what type of pornography is occurring. The owner has also made life easier on us by separating each instance by alphabetical order, all served in a layout that is deliciously reminiscent of geocities.

The archive is huge, it includes situations from old games, new games, games we love, games we dont, games we've reviewed and even some that make this blogger very uncomfortable. Its a fucking cornucopia of awesome.

Check out tons more right here:
The Accidental Video Game Porn Archive

Super Mario Bros 3

If there is one thing I've learned these past few days playing Super Mario Bros. 3 its that that is one fuckin hard game. If you're a game developer that wants to make a difficult game in 2009 you simply up the violence and the satanic imagery. If you want to do it in 1988 you call in this guy (and, ostensibly, his brother).

The beauty of early Super Mario games is that they start off easily enough with a couple of goombas and some tubes but by the end you're dealing with goombas, spiky monsters, piranha plants and (the best baddie ever) Boo. Not to mention a moving stage, quicksand, and all other kinds of natural obstacles. Fuck its like nature itself was against Mario rescuing Toadstool. (no, I will never call her Peach).

This is a primitive platformer, one with a plot that, if taken out of context, appears to be out of a bad LSD trip: you play as an Italian plumber with a mustache who must rescue the aforementioned princess from a lizard and his family, by jumping on various monsters, moving forward, going down tubes and climbing beanstalks. But dont worry, in your way you're aided by mushrooms, fireflowers, a leaf that turns you into a flying raccoon and a frog suit. This is what we were playing back in the early 90's and, yes, pretty soon we're gonna be running this country.

The gameplay level is so high, however, that these kitschy, nonsensical plot elements are quickly accepted and soon the player is engrossed in trying to get that fucking lizard. But this is limited to the games themselves, its no surprise then that when they tried to make the game into a tv show the results were fuckin horrible, when they tried to make it into a live action movie in which the subject matter was taken seriously starring John Leguizamo it was even worse.

Getting back to Super Mario 3, like I said its not an easy game, even though I managed to get pretty far ahead in one sitting it did feel challenging and I did have to repeat many a level. It is never tedious, however, because the levels are varied enough and it contains a high number of mini games which take the mind off the fact that you are failing to make it out of that water level.

Super Mario 2 was an atypical game in which one could play as both Mario Brothers as well as Toad and the Princess. It was also about pulling radishes out of the ground and defeating a pink dinosaur, so the true sequel to the original Mario game was Mario 3 and it was quite an improvement. Sure, Super Mario World of the SNES was better (imo, of course) because it introduced Yoshi (and I do love Yoshi) and the goombas were replaced by little tomato men but Super Mario 3 is not any less because of that.

If Nintendo is known for something in particular its for its ability to exploit its past for profit. This is not a bad thing when there is a progression in the games and this was certianly the case between 3, World and so on. I like the 3D Mario games (as introduced in Mario 64) but I love the sidescrollers even more, thankfully we can replay these either on the Wii, the old consoles or play new incarnations of the model on the handheld systems. Is Nintendo exploiting my nostalgia? yes but when its doing it with New Mario Bros and Superstar Saga then here have some more money.

Graphics wise I vaguely remember that the SNES version (on All Stars) had better colors while the NES version had a limited, opaque pallette. The Wii version is true to the original so the overall look of it is dated and often choppy, but few will argue with keeping it the way it was. The only thing missing would be hooking it up with an RF modulator to an old grainy TV and blowing on the cartridge to make it work, I'm sure I can survive without doing all of that.

I have yet to finish the game (I never did back in the day either) but I'll get around to it. I should also mention that the game features the Koopa Kids who are, I assume, Bowser's kids. The Koopa kids are the best part of this game as well as World so I'm going to devote an entire entry (later on) to them. Thats why we havent gone into it at this point.

To finish this thing off, who knew that a full twenty years later this game would retain its playability so well? I would have put my money on Sonic the Hedgehog.

SAAAAY - GAAAAH

I Was thinking about what to write on this thing now that my SNES game buying on eBay has mellowed down, thats when I started remembering the Sega Master System that I had back in the day and figured I could squeeze a couple of entries out of it.

If I had to pick one system that got me through my formative years it has to be SNES but the Sega was there too, sure it was in the background, relegated to TurboGrafx 16 status but it was there and it had some crazy games, or at least i did.

Take Space Harrier for example: all I remember is that it was about a blonde kid who somehow flew forward on the screen with what appeared to be a bagpipe or a vaccuum cleaner which he used to shoot monsters and whatnot. It was epic! all we had seen until then were sidescrollers but Space Harried fuckin moved forward! in 3-D! (ok it wasnt 3d), it was like Megaman but much more advanced.

The main character flew forward in a variety of stages each more green and nondescript than the last in order to defeat some monsters and, probably, rescue some sort of princess or girlfriend which you would reach (according to the picture above) at the end. Whats not to like?

And look at that menu page! just by looking at it we have to assume that somebody was high. Remember: if you get beat on Space Harrier (and it happened often) quickly input up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right and you'll be good.

The brilliant thing about the Sega was that it could take two distinct forms of software: game cartridges or cards. I'm sure there was a reason for this, as one probably had more memory or was cheaper. I dont know and I dont care to find out. Its better this way. Space Harrier, by the way, came in cartridge form (also check out that amazing minimalist box design).

Next time I'll talk about a game that came in card form, a card that, in fact, I still have.

Ninja Turtles

I received my TMNT: Tournament Fighters in the mail a couple of days ago, turned it on, played it for a bit and proceeded to be disappointed. The fighting seemed slow, the fighters small, the sound gimmicky. I then played it a bit more and I realized that it actually isnt a sucky game. The reason it appears slow is because I'm used to playing new generation games, the fighters are small and blurry because of my small screen and bad connection and the audio...well the audio is still pretty bad.

Lets talk about the game. There were three different versions: the Sega game which had Raph on the cover, the NES game with Leo and, the one I had, the SNES version with Don dancing with a shark. No love for Mike I guess. The games not only had different covers but they also had different character rosters and, obviously, different graphics.

Like I said, the game really isnt that bad. The available characters included the Turtles as well as five other non-turtle characters. Casey Jones was in there...in the Genesis version. April was also playable...in the Genesis version. The SNES game got some not so great characters, including a purple dinosaur looking guy named "War", Wingnut,, the Shredder, a token female character and a few more. I might have gotten over my initial disappointment of the game but I stil have issues with the available characters. I find myself not caring for any of them. I used to like Wingnut as I had that action figure but not anymore. I think the Rat King is the final boss. I dont remember if you can later select the Rat King but I hope so.

But there are many pluses, this is an old-school drawn fighting game. Of course its modeled after Street Fighter and KOF, but it also does a few other things those didnt have at the time (such as a separate bar for a super move). Each character has a unique stage, also reminiscent of SFII, each character has unique moves, most are able to throw projectiles using the standard Hadouken movement.

Sure this might be a bit forced but the Turtles is a franchise with so many discrepancies between all of its media appearances: what happens in the tv show is different than the movie, than the comic book and so on. That the video game would be just as disconnected is not surprising.

The game is good, yes its a bit slow and yes its a bit difficult but that was the norm when it came out. It really isnt fair to compare it to todays game but thats what we do because of what the norm is today. The biggest issue then really isnt that the character selection is poor but rather that this was not followed up on such in the same way that SF or KOF was. If it had been then TMNT: 2009 would be something else.

Donkey Kong Country

Once upon a time there was a deal made between two video game companies to work together, one was a game developer that was ahead of the game, the other was the flailing king of the entire medium. For a while there in the late 90's it was the partnership between Nintendo and Rare that showed what a video game could be. Though they developed many games, many good games, there was one that stood out as the best, I do believe it was one of their first also and from what I understand video games would not be the same after it.

Yes, I'm talking about Donkey Kong Country, the coolest game around during my childhood/adolescence, a game that I always wanted but was too poor to buy. I did play it many times, I had it on loan for a while, but I was never able to actually buy it. Until now that is. Thank you eBay.

What made this game so good? well lets remember that at the time it came out (1994) Nintendo was the king, the Playstation was about to take the thrown for a variety of reasons: dissent, cheaper cd games, more mature titles. You name it. But the SNES was offering games that looked so much better than the traditional PS fare. The SNES, a weaker machine than the PS or the Saturn, was capable of giving us games with characters that looked like moving action figures, the gameplay was smooth and fun while the CD consoles had to deal with polygons and load screens.

This game eventually franchised out into a few others that progressively introduced new characters. Though the monkey (or ape) protagonist changed the gameplay remained the same. Fifteen years after the original came out the fun that is to be had playing the original also remains. I got the game yesterday and have logged in a few hours now. Its easy, but its difficult, I dont really know how to describe it. I dont think I need to describe it, I'm sure everybody has played it and understands.

It doesnt take rocket science to play it, too many new games require one to read books and make decisions and wander around a vast state on a hummer. How friggin unnecesary, how grating! I understand that games have to evolve, I even understand that we tend to romanticize things from our childhood but that does not take away from the brilliance of this game.

Besides, they never could improve it. They came out with a DK for the N64 and it wasnt as good, in general Nintendo moved towards the same crowd that the PS had before realizing they couldnt compete and deciding to go back to making kids games. But for a while Nintendo was in a dark place, it appeared doomed, the relationship with Rare soured and they went over to Microsoft, never to return.

So this wasnt the normal eightbitter post. It wasnt a game review because there is no need to review a game like Donkey Kong Country. Everybody knows it, everybody loves it and even if they dont I simply assume that they do because it was so big during my childhood. Anyway, I'm just glad I finally have it.

Street Fighter II, a few Decades Later

One of the three games included with my $20 Super Nintendo, and the one I naturally gravitated towards, was Street Fighter II.

Ah SFII, you spawned a million clones, you kept Capcom alive, you profited from the Cold War, you brought nationalism to kids everywhere. So the real question became how good is this game? not how good was it at its peak but rather by todays standards. And though I realize that its unfair to subject a game to such standards I cant help but do it, specially since, well, I have nothing else to write about.

My first memories of Street Fighter center around the massive hype it generated in my elementary school. Yes, this was the game you had to play. So the first time I did it was at a local shady establishment of fun called "mundo divertido". They had about ten machines and there was a line to play SF. I eventually got to it, picked Dhalsim and got my ass promptly handed to me. But that didnt matter, what mattered is that I had played it, I had a story now see.

As I said there was a lot of hype, there was a lot of SF merchandise, official and clandestine, sold at the entrance to school, merchandise which I now wish I'd kept for ebay. But thats beyond the scope of this thing, the point is I had played it and I wanted more. So we scoured the local rental store until we finally got the opportunity to take it home for a few days. We played it like madmen for that one day. We might have beaten it a couple of times but it was only after struggling with those four bosses for hours on end. It was great.

And what is there not to like? you can pick one of EIGHT characters to play as, each with unique characteristics, moves, stages. Then there were the four final characters who you really did hate at the time because they were so cheap (except for Balrog, he was easy) but that made it that much better when you actually did beat it. The coolest character was Ken. Zangief was useless, Chun-Li we did not use for a while. Eight characters! so much variety!

The one thing that struck me as odd when I played it yesterday was how slow the game was. Obviously we did not feel that at the time, but now its kind of hard to get over. The fighting engine is great, it was great, but there are many flaws: aerial kicks and throws do an inordinate amount of damage, any fireball leaves the character throwing it motionless and vulnerable for a few seconds after throwing it.

The graphics are, of course, outdated but no less brilliant because of it. Theres so much pixelated goodness, even though the characters are smaller than I remember they still fill in enough of the screen and that which is not filled in is covered in the now iconic, glorious backgrounds. Sure I can bitch about the graphics twenty years later but we were lucky, at least we didnt have to deal with the Atari or Commodore graphics. So thats why Nintendo eventually won out. That second one looks like an error screen.

Now that I have the system, now that I also have an Xbox 360 with Street Fighter IV, will I keep playing the original? yes! its still remarkably playable. You go through it once or twice and you realize why exactly this series is so iconic, so memorable: it obviously came out at a time with a great deal of limitations but it was great nonetheless. It evolved through time too, they have a winning formula (which was widely copied as I said earlier) but they kept updating it with the times and in remains at the forefront of fighting games, and even though Capcom is shamelessly trying to cash in on our nostalgia at least they're doing it with quality products and with a respect towards what the game represents for losers like myself.