Alt. Beast.

This blog has an admittedly romanticized view of the late 80's to early 90's period in video game history. As such most of the reviews consist of me talking about how much I missed a certain game, how much I enjoyed it and how much I enjoy it now that we have been reunited. Well get ready to rock the proverbial boat because this is not one of those.

Altered Beast for the Sega Master System was one of the first games I played as a kid. It was a time when my allegiances were squarely with Sega and I considered all their games, from this to My Hero and Sonic, way better than Mario and his motley crew of castmates. I would change my mind quickly with time but this is how it was at first, and I indeed enjoyed this game to no end.

The main plot is pretty simple: you play a skinny white dude who walks around in a leotard punching zombies and assorted greek mythological beings in hopes of getting power ups that at first make him stronger (insert steroid joke here) and later turn him into one of four beasts (one for each stage).

While the plot is exceptional (and even more so to a young child), time has not been kind to the game. The game itself is slow, the main character is erratic in his punches and groin kicks, jumping requires too much technique and even though most cyclops' can be killed with one punch their sheer number makes for one difficult game. The level of difficulty is admirable the technological limitations make for some frustrating gameplay.

This is only a problem when our hero is in human form, once he converts to beast (wolf, dragon, tiger or the lazily powerful golden wolf) he speeds up and strengthens dramatically. The problem with this is that the game is only fun when the main character is a beast, at other times it feels like you're simply controlling an imbecile. This is quite a shame because the game does have an exorbitant amount of win in it, from the standard man-saves-woman plot to the mythological setting, the bosses and the excellent cut scenes once the protagonist is, well, altered.

This is a game I really wanted to like, I really wanted to buy it again and I really had it high on a pedestal as one of the best games for the old Sega system. But even though the concept is great, so much so that there was a PS2 sequel with some great stylized beasts, I simply could not get over how badly it has aged. Maybe one day I'll have a few too many Sapporos and download it on a whim, for now though it is one of only a handful of disappointments.

We Could be Heroes

I finally found that Sega gamecard that I was talking about the other day and took a picture of it (its up there ^^^)

My Hero was possibly my favourite Sega Master System game. Actually the game I played the most was a rudimentary baseball game, which might of been this one (by the way, wasnt Reggie Jackson retired by the late 80's? I dont know, but how can you argue with shit like this)

Getting back to My Hero, the premise was simple: somebody (possibly a greaser or a punk) kidnapped your girlfriend and now its up to you (not the authorities) to drop kick your way through a park (with pyramids?) to rescue her. What I remember the most about it is that I couldnt get through the frogs that spit marbles at you.

It was like Double Dragon but without the meaningless up-down scrolling and you controlled a ninja preppy instead of a homosexual couple.

I'm not going to do it justice so here is the best youtube video ever



Also today is the 25th anniversary of Tetris, I guess that when it came out we were completely justified in our fear of the soviets being better than the U.S.

To commemorate the occassion Google has done the usual:


Good on ya Google.

SAAAAY - GAAAAH

I Was thinking about what to write on this thing now that my SNES game buying on eBay has mellowed down, thats when I started remembering the Sega Master System that I had back in the day and figured I could squeeze a couple of entries out of it.

If I had to pick one system that got me through my formative years it has to be SNES but the Sega was there too, sure it was in the background, relegated to TurboGrafx 16 status but it was there and it had some crazy games, or at least i did.

Take Space Harrier for example: all I remember is that it was about a blonde kid who somehow flew forward on the screen with what appeared to be a bagpipe or a vaccuum cleaner which he used to shoot monsters and whatnot. It was epic! all we had seen until then were sidescrollers but Space Harried fuckin moved forward! in 3-D! (ok it wasnt 3d), it was like Megaman but much more advanced.

The main character flew forward in a variety of stages each more green and nondescript than the last in order to defeat some monsters and, probably, rescue some sort of princess or girlfriend which you would reach (according to the picture above) at the end. Whats not to like?

And look at that menu page! just by looking at it we have to assume that somebody was high. Remember: if you get beat on Space Harrier (and it happened often) quickly input up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right and you'll be good.

The brilliant thing about the Sega was that it could take two distinct forms of software: game cartridges or cards. I'm sure there was a reason for this, as one probably had more memory or was cheaper. I dont know and I dont care to find out. Its better this way. Space Harrier, by the way, came in cartridge form (also check out that amazing minimalist box design).

Next time I'll talk about a game that came in card form, a card that, in fact, I still have.