The King

This review for The Lion King for the SNES is only a placeholder. Why? because this game is so incredibly frustrating that I haven't been able to get past the second stage even though I've been playing it for the past two weeks. I haven't played it for long periods of time, mind you, but that's mainly because frustration sets in pretty quickly when fuckin Simba cant seem to swing on Hippo tails regardless of what button combinations one pushes. Phew that needed to get out. Like I said: placeholder, once I get around to beating it we'll have a closer look.

First of all the game is developed by Virgin. I had no idea Virgin even produced video games but I suppose it is a necessary step between space travel and bankrupt music stores. What is even more impressive, and a sign of the times, is that they actually had a Disney license. I know Disney will license just about anything but it says a lot about the unimportance of video games in 1994 that just anybody got a license from the big D.

The game starts off simply enough, you shuffle through some basic screens until Timon says "it starts" and you begin wandering around the Pridelands as Simba, jumping on assorted bugs, hedgehogs and lizards. It looks a lot like a non-CG Donkey Kong actually: a platformer set in a vividly colored jungle all set to great music (Lion King uses the music from the movie). But the similarities sorta end there, this game is not nearly as deep as Donkey Kong, its levels are much shorter and it is often more difficult to understand.

For example Simba doesn't actually have a life meter or any other logical way of knowing how close he is from dying. It seems that at random intervals, after an unknown number of hits, he just tips over. There are two bars at the top of the screen (which look like battery meters on a phone) but I have no idea what they mean. One of them measures how hard Simba can growl (I think) but he roars the same way regardless of whether its full or not. He also collects a bunch of random upgrades which, also, don't seem to have a purpose.

The artwork is great, I'd say that they spent most of their budget on graphics and forgot about gameplay. The characters look like those in the film, right down to the supporting animals which keep their great art deco style from the big screen. The game also features nicely done cut scenes with Mufasa, Rafiki and the rest of the gang.

Frustration begins to set in when you realize that the pretty art is a front for the bad game play. Sure its cool when Simba has to jump, ride and swing on animals but it sucks that there is no definite way to do these things. What's worse is that when you're required to jump from hippo tail to hippo tail five or six straight times and miss once Simba falls in a river (or on a birds nest, or something else) and you just lost a life. Yep, looks like Simba suffers from Megaman on spikes syndrome.

And that's what the second stage is about. I've gotten pretty close to beating it but he always falls! fuck if anybody ever needed opposable thumbs! It's a shame too because I want to keep playing this game. Not only because of my love of all things disney (except the Disney Channel) but also because some of the later stages look bad ass. Wildebeest run! older Simba! sure somewhere along the way Mufasa will die but we've had fifteen years to accept it and move on. Plus somewhere along the way Scar (one of the best villains in Disney ever) will make an appearance. I really should keep playing it.

Stay tuned I suppose.

Also: for no actual reason here's a picture of Bjork as a baby. Awwwww!

A Closer Look at Aladdin

I've been on a Disney kick lately, mostly because I spent two days this week at the happiest place on earth and its smaller, yet surprisingly fun, sister park. When you combine the bombardment of propaganda that place launches at you with my predisposition to accept such propaganda (because I had no childhood you see) the result is a couple of weeks of watching movies, buying merchandise and playing video games.

The last time I talked about Aladdin for the SNES I complained about how difficult yet fun it was. When your technology is limited you overcompensate with difficulty and for a few months, as I refused to play the game, I continued to believe my analysis. I decided to give it a second chance and beat the game in less than an hour.

The game only has six (or seven) stages, unlimited continues (in the form of passwords) and is a pretty standard, solid platformer. Every stage consists of Aladdin jumping on moving, non moving and floating platforms while throwing apples at baddies and collecting some sort of jewels. The two exceptions to this are the magic carpet stages: one that has Aladdin flying through a cavern avoiding obstacles (which defeated me the last time) and a bonus stage in which Aladdin and the Princess ride around at night collecting goodies, to a ringtone version of "A whole new world". There is only one boss and thats Jafar, first in standard issue and then in his badass snake version, as was customary with bosses in the 90's he wasnt much of a challenge.

After that the Genie steps in and theres a final cut scene in which Aladdin proves his sincerity or whatever by wishing for the Genie's freedom (like in the movie!), when all seems lost with Jasmine the Sultan steps in and, because hes a ruthless despot, decrees that there will be a new law that the Princess can now marry whoever she damn well wants. This would be where I take a jab at how "and thats how its been in the Middle East" ever since. But I'm above that so I wont.

So......theres another game beaten, the tally is now at two. Time to get some more games I suppose.

Bonus!
Kotaku has a great story on how Toad likes to flip people off. Link.

Aladdin Sane

As promised tonight we tackle the difficult subject of talking about Aladdin. I mock Aladdin, I mocked it yesterday, I mock it today but the truth is this is the reason I bought a Super Nintendo again. No, not because I wanted to play Aladdin but rather I wanted to play the type of game that Aladdin represents.

This game is a side-scroller with one straight forward plot. You play as Aladdin, a young Arabian lad who has taken some time off from cataloging European history (look it up) to move across a screen with his monkey friend Abu (who wears a hat) to, I can only assume, save Princess Jasmine from Jafar and probably her incompetent father. Look I cant be bothered to remember the plot, it was a good movie and all but it was a long time ago.

Anyway the game plays pretty sweetly, its a variation on the platform concept wherein instead of using a gorilla, a small blue suited deviant or a plumber you use a heavily copyrighted Disney character. He still jumps around on tents, fights evil doers, throws apples, gets energy from food and so on. The only difference is that he does it in the Middle East and he's voiced by DJ Tanner's boyfriend.

There are climbing stages, running stages, stages with vehicles, bosses, and cut scenes. Its like a non-violent Double Dragon or Contra so even though its lame to play a Disney game I'm gonna keep playing this one because its entertaining.

There is also a Password system whereby in order to save your progress you simply put in a password to move directly to a particular stage. I wont say much about this here since I plan to write an entry about passwords while I wait for some games I bought on eBay or while I go to the swap meet and get some more games. Suffice it to say that passwords are now easily available and to prove it I'll tell you that the password to get to the second stage is genie-abu-aladdin-sultan. So there you go.