Ah Capitalism

Someone has paid $800,000 dollars on eBay for the NES game you see pictured above. Let me enunciate that: eight hundred thousand dollars. Almost one million dollars for a sealed copy of a very rare game (probably the rarest from what I've read), which only has value because the handful of collectors willing to pay such prices think it has that value.

Its pretty sad that we've gotten to this point. On the one hand sure its a piece of history just like a Picasso or a Warhol painting whose value should be determined by what it means to the person purchasing it and what the consensus is among those who would want such an item. But on the other we're talking about $800k for what is essentially is plastic inside a box wrapped in more plastic.

But this is what capitalism is all about: not only having the freedom to own private property but having the freedom to own whatever private property you want and spending whatever ridiculous amount of money you want for it. That we've reached the point in which a video game is worth that much money probably proves some point that Marx made in Das Kapital or the Brumeire. What that point is evades me right now but I'm sure it would have something to do with not being a fucking moron.

I'm kinda glad for the person who sold it though. A game collector, someone who obviously loves video games, selling it probably because this game has fetched up to $40,000 previously and deciding to cash in. And why not? the way I see it the person who bought it isn't a game collector like you and me but some rich guy who can afford to splurge in stupid stuff like this. Shit, its probably Todd McFarlane. The transfer of wealth from such a person (or casino or hedge fund or whatever) to a regular citizen is great, I'm sure eBay is happy about it too.

I'm also happy since that auction where I bought Killer Instinct, Maximum Carnage and a JLA game for $20 now seems like a steal.

So the moral of the story? simple:

1. find a copy of Stadium Events
2. Put it up for auction on eBay
3. ????
4. Profit.

Tetris! in First Person!

Well prepare to get nauseous. Someone has finally taken Tetris and made it into a first person game. Now this doesn't mean you'll be maneuvering a figure composed of four squares through an urban warfare setting armed only with a gun and the knowledge that you can always respawn. No, it means that now its the screen doing the rotating and not the figure.

It's fun, sure, but it also makes you want to throw up. The upside? well its a new spin to Tetris and its free to play. It's not available on a console or iphone (yet) all you have to do is go to the following link. It'll transport you to a magical place in which TV screens were still square, the NES was the balls and Maxell had the recordable VHS market cornered.

First Person Tetris

The Onion: Punch Out

Because The Onion is the best satirical newspaper ever I thought I'd share this great article that details a new documentary about Mike Tyson in Punch Out. Its a few months old, I read it when it was first posted and it was one of the reasons why I started eightbitter.

There is plenty of room to work with when reminiscing about the video games we grew up with, the NES, SNES and Sega generation of the late 80's/early 90's has grown up and become aware of the brilliance of our childhood video games despite their limitations. And we openly mock and venerate them, more so than past Coleco or Atari generations simply because our video games actually looked like video games and not dots or jumbled pixels.

Anyway, read the article its fuckin hilarious, heres an excerpt:

"'MY BODY [WAS] JUST SO TOTALLY COOL,' a wistful Super Macho Man said during promotional interviews. Twenty years after his heyday, the clinically depressed former bodybuilder is confined to a wheelchair, the result of medical complications arising from the weight of his enormous upper torso bearing down upon his tiny legs."

The rest is here

New Mike Tyson Documentary Features Exclusive Interviews With Super Macho Man, King Hippo

By the way that kickass Punch Out scarf can (could) be found here.

Flaming Mario

Well I finally figured out why I like the original Mario Bros. 3 graphics as opposed to the revamped SNES version of the same game.

Its because, as you can plainly see, when Mario changes to his fireball suit (as seen above) instead of having the traditional "painter" outfit, in Super Mario Bros. 3 he is wearing a customized Tampa Bay Buccaneers "creamsicle" outfit modeled after what the Bucs use to wear back when they sucked.

Even more obvious is Mario's mustache, sure they were prominent when he was created in the 80's but the fact that Bucco Bruce also had a mustache (albeit a more debonair one) is awfully suspicious.

Super Mario Bros 3

If there is one thing I've learned these past few days playing Super Mario Bros. 3 its that that is one fuckin hard game. If you're a game developer that wants to make a difficult game in 2009 you simply up the violence and the satanic imagery. If you want to do it in 1988 you call in this guy (and, ostensibly, his brother).

The beauty of early Super Mario games is that they start off easily enough with a couple of goombas and some tubes but by the end you're dealing with goombas, spiky monsters, piranha plants and (the best baddie ever) Boo. Not to mention a moving stage, quicksand, and all other kinds of natural obstacles. Fuck its like nature itself was against Mario rescuing Toadstool. (no, I will never call her Peach).

This is a primitive platformer, one with a plot that, if taken out of context, appears to be out of a bad LSD trip: you play as an Italian plumber with a mustache who must rescue the aforementioned princess from a lizard and his family, by jumping on various monsters, moving forward, going down tubes and climbing beanstalks. But dont worry, in your way you're aided by mushrooms, fireflowers, a leaf that turns you into a flying raccoon and a frog suit. This is what we were playing back in the early 90's and, yes, pretty soon we're gonna be running this country.

The gameplay level is so high, however, that these kitschy, nonsensical plot elements are quickly accepted and soon the player is engrossed in trying to get that fucking lizard. But this is limited to the games themselves, its no surprise then that when they tried to make the game into a tv show the results were fuckin horrible, when they tried to make it into a live action movie in which the subject matter was taken seriously starring John Leguizamo it was even worse.

Getting back to Super Mario 3, like I said its not an easy game, even though I managed to get pretty far ahead in one sitting it did feel challenging and I did have to repeat many a level. It is never tedious, however, because the levels are varied enough and it contains a high number of mini games which take the mind off the fact that you are failing to make it out of that water level.

Super Mario 2 was an atypical game in which one could play as both Mario Brothers as well as Toad and the Princess. It was also about pulling radishes out of the ground and defeating a pink dinosaur, so the true sequel to the original Mario game was Mario 3 and it was quite an improvement. Sure, Super Mario World of the SNES was better (imo, of course) because it introduced Yoshi (and I do love Yoshi) and the goombas were replaced by little tomato men but Super Mario 3 is not any less because of that.

If Nintendo is known for something in particular its for its ability to exploit its past for profit. This is not a bad thing when there is a progression in the games and this was certianly the case between 3, World and so on. I like the 3D Mario games (as introduced in Mario 64) but I love the sidescrollers even more, thankfully we can replay these either on the Wii, the old consoles or play new incarnations of the model on the handheld systems. Is Nintendo exploiting my nostalgia? yes but when its doing it with New Mario Bros and Superstar Saga then here have some more money.

Graphics wise I vaguely remember that the SNES version (on All Stars) had better colors while the NES version had a limited, opaque pallette. The Wii version is true to the original so the overall look of it is dated and often choppy, but few will argue with keeping it the way it was. The only thing missing would be hooking it up with an RF modulator to an old grainy TV and blowing on the cartridge to make it work, I'm sure I can survive without doing all of that.

I have yet to finish the game (I never did back in the day either) but I'll get around to it. I should also mention that the game features the Koopa Kids who are, I assume, Bowser's kids. The Koopa kids are the best part of this game as well as World so I'm going to devote an entire entry (later on) to them. Thats why we havent gone into it at this point.

To finish this thing off, who knew that a full twenty years later this game would retain its playability so well? I would have put my money on Sonic the Hedgehog.

Boxing Game!

I was playing Punch Out(!) on the Wii the other day, the original NES one. Well original in that its the same port, the same system and whatnot but is missing one big thing: Mike Tyson. I guess that even in the anything-goes-pre-PC era of the late 80's early 90's its not practical to have a convicted rapist prancing around a kids video game.

Now being the political minded person I am what really struck me about that original Punch Out was the significant reliance upon stereotypes in casting the motley crew of boxers. I'm not gonna go through all of these because I'm sure its been done countless times before but just looking at a few fighters:

Soda Popinski who is obviously a merry drunken bolshevik (like all bolsheviks right?), I'm pretty sure that bottle wasnt originally soda.

Glass Joe and Gabby Jay are both Frenchmen, they're both the easiest fighter of their respective games.

The Italian fighter is named Pizza Pasta.

Great Tiger who's from Bombay (now Mumbai) and continuously calls you a pussy.

Don Flamenco, possibly the coolest looking of all the fighters, he just looks so relaxed. Sometimes I wish I were Don Flamenco.

Lets not go any further, I do believe the German fighter is falled Kaiser something, the Mexican fighter is a luchador, theres Super MachoMan, Bald Bull, King Hippo...we could go on. Great game, holds up amazingly well. One day I'll have the SNES version again. One day.