Angry Birds FTW

Angry Birds is one of those games that you kinda cant put down. Not because the story is incredibly engaging, not because the gameplay is incredibly challenging nor because the art is amazing (even though it is) but rather because its so simple it makes you wonder why we need advancements in technology at all. It also makes you fear the Swedish: first ABBA, then IKEA now THIS?

The gameplay is as follows: a group of green, round pig-like creatures has kidnapped the eggs of a group of birds, this makes the birds angry (hence the name) and they vow to get revenge and their eggs back through the use of a slingshot and complex mathematical equations. There's no actual math, instead you shoot the different birds and try to defeat the pigs by eliminating them through the destruction of their many fortifications.

You start off with just a red cardinal whose sole ability is to shoot throw himself off a slingshot and wreak as much havoc as he possibly can but as the game progresses you unlock other birds including a blue jay who can split himself in three, an angry canary who can shoot himself with an extra boost, a raven whos actually a bomb and a pigeon that can shoot eggs. If there are any more I have yet to unlock them. Also I should point out that the species listed above are merely guesses I made based on the color of the birds.

The character design is fantastic, the colors are brilliant, each bird and pig has a unique shape (like my favourite: angry canary triangle) and a unique sound that it makes when it launches itself. Because each bird has different abilities and they're all different sizes the player has to develop strategies to find the best way to knock out the pigs the fastest. This can be incredibly frustrating but its also very rewarding once a seemingly impossible level is beaten.

Each level is different in both its design and the number and type of birds you get. No, its not up to you to decide which birds you get to use in each stage, its whatever the game picks and this adds significantly to the challenge because you cant ever just throw five bomb birds and hope you can explode away your problems.

All this for only one dollar. I've played Xbox games that are less fun (right Bullet Witch?).

Followup

Some numbers to crunch regarding that previous post about how EA is trying to get a bigger piece of the gaming pie. Actually its a literal interpretation of such a statement, a pie chart showing just whose pocket that $60 you spend on a new game goes to.

According to the chart each game costs $4 to produce, this isn't the cost of making a game but merely the cost of burning it onto a disc, packaging, shipping and so on. That leaves $56 about half of which ($27) goes to the publisher.

Now since these are the people who make the game it makes sense that they get the biggest piece of the pie. Retailers get a considerable amount ($15) which leads one to believe that if game producers sold their games directly to the public they would be able to either: a. sell a game for fifteen dollars cheaper or pocket fifteen dollars more in profit.

Retailers to play an important part in the cycle since they facilitate the transfer of the goods to the customer and the transfer of cash to the producers. It's a very imperfect cycle, one whose convenience is paid for by the consumer, and one which changes dramatically when we're talking about used games.

If a gamer sells an unwanted title to a retailer (like Gamestop) he gets considerably less then what he paid for back, the retailer then sells the game at a considerable markup from what they bought it for, to another willing customer. The retailer reeks in lots of profit (on top of what they already made from selling the game new), the manufacturer gets nothing and the consumer is able to buy the game cheaper than new.

This is the market that EA wants to crack by trying to get some of those who buy used to buy new. No I'm not trying to defend retailers (especially predatory ones like Gamestop), I'm more worried about those who buy directly from other consumers via either Amazon. eBay, Craigslist, the swap meet or whatever. When you purchase a game you reserve the right to do with that copy as you wish (except you know make and sell copies of it), when EA tries to get into the used game market they take away potential consumer to consumer transactions. Transactions which benefit the consumer because they don't have to deal with corporations who are only concerned with profits.

And that's my main problem with EA right now. Not to try to take money away from small developers, not to try to get more money to retailer$ but to increase the number of transactions and situations that require neither of these two when exchanging games.

The full article is at Double Kill.

Project 10 Dollar

EA is trying out this new program called Project Ten Dollar which basically gives gamers an incentive to buy a game new (as opposed to used, duh) by providing special codes which unlock special downloadable content for that particular game. The name of the project stems from the fact that those who don't have the special codes would have to shell out an additional ten bucks for such content.

While this has been previously done in the form of special editions or pre order bonuses (for example the special edition of SFIV included a code for an alternate costumes pack) this is the first time the bonus has been given out simply for buying a new copy.

Let us count the ways in which, for consumers, this blows. I understand that EA wants to get its fair share of the profits for the games it makes, I understand that once a game is sold used (via gamestop, Amazon or what have you) then EA no longer makes any money off that game. This makes the project perfectly sensible. But it still feels like they're trying to cheat gamers out of their money. It makes perfect sense for anybody to try to get the best deal on what they purchase, if a gamer wants to save a few bucks and is content with buying used then so be it. This isn't a defense of the above used game retailers, in a perfect world we'd all be able to sell our used games to each other with not middleman. Because the world is far from perfect the above retailers play an important role in this clandestine market, they make a fair share of money out of it too.

Lets look at EA's model. The company rakes in the biggest profit margin out of new games, as opposed to retailers, but let us assume that the people that buy new were gonna buy new anyway and have no intention of buying used either for ethical reasons, because they really like the game or because they just love EA. The target market for a new game is those gamers who are willing to pay the exorbitant amount of money that a new game costs. But EA is not content with having this market cornered (because no one else can make the game and sell it new) now they want to eat at the used game market and they want to do it not by having a smaller pricepoint (and smaller profit margin) nor getting into the used game market directly but rather by providing an incentive which forces those who don't buy new and want that incentive to purchase it at an incredible markup.

What you are doing, then, is basically telling your clientele that there are two types of classes: those who buy new and give you direct profit and those who don't. You're not so much rewarding the former (because DLC isn't that expensive) as punishing the latter (because DLC isn't that expensive). No one is being forced to buy anything, obviously, but you're still essentially blackmailing people into giving you their money and not the retailers or a friend or an ebayer or whoever you happen to buy a used game from.

Now let's forget about DLC for a bit because DLC is not the only premium offered in project ten (more accurately fifteen) dollar. There have been games in which the bonus is access to an in-game store which would otherwise cost actual money without the code. So now the question is why isn't this available to everybody?

Even in the case of DLC you're still somewhat cheating your customers, if you're willing to give away DLC to a segment of the population then, honestly, your DLC probably didn't cost you that much, or maybe its not that good or maybe you're just making up bonuses that, though optional, some folks will have to pay a lot more to get. If you're not that into your DLC in the first place (since you're giving it away after all) then why not include any bonus maps, access to stores, uniforms or what have you with the game? why not let everybody have access to it?

Because you're greedy. Because you take the same position that textbook makers take, you sell crap with tons of markup then get angry that you're not getting a piece of an emerging market (used media) but since you cant release a new edition of a game every year (unless its a sports game, right EA?) then you come up with stupid shit like Project 10 dollar. It makes you come off as a shitty multinational who wants to keep reigns on everything they sell even after its sold. You try to dissuade those who want or have no option but to buy used by resorting to gimmicks. And for that, EA, welcome to my shitlist, population? you.

By the way this isn't a rant against downloadable content. Look if and when Infinity Ward decides to bless us with some bonus maps for Modern Warfare 2 I'll be the first in line to buy it. But the thing here is that if its taken this long then obviously its not something that was ready at launch, its not something that could have been included at launch, its a legitimate add-on to the game and something that should be worth more money. In the case of Battlefield Bad Company 2 (and other EA titles) the downloadable content will be available at launch and will be free to whoever buys the game new. To everybody else it'll cost a bit more, optional sure, but if its ready to go on launch...well why not just include it with the game? but now I'm just repeating shit I already said.

In Which Microsoft Insults Me

A few days ago my Xbox Live Gold subscription ended rendering me unable to play Modern Warfare (or I suppose any other game) online. I wasn't too upset, after all I had paid only $5 out of pocket for a three month subscription. I had made peace with my progress in the game and was ready to take a break from it. It was, you could say, an amicable separation between me and Xbox.

Flash forward to today and an email I received from Microsoft informing me that I was eligible for a special offer in which I'd be able to renew my Gold subscription for a year for only $3.33 a month. That still adds up to about $40 but its less than the typical $50 yearly fee and way better than the $7.99 fee that they charge you if you pay monthly. This was the email sent to me:
I clicked on the offer button and was transferred to the Live.Xbox.Com page, I signed in and was then told that that promotional offer was not available to me at this time. Wait what? Look I'll be honest I probably wasn't get the offer anyway (its not a great offer especially since WalMart will sell you a year for $30) but I was curious to see the offer and actually think about it. It was good to see that they cared enough to try to get me back with a special offer, now I see that they actually don't care to have me back that much.

Clicking the "ok" button took me to a screen selling me the one year $50 deal, the three month $20 deal or the 1 month $8 deal. There was no option to select the fuck off deal.

The issue here, however, is not whether Xbox wants me back or not, its not whether I want to get back to Modern Warfare as soon as possible or not. The issue is that they sent me an email and then friggin lied to me. They offered me a special deal (just for me!) and then promptly told me that I wasn't qualified to receive such a special deal. I know that Microsoft is a heartless multinational corporation that could give a fuck about me or any other Xbox Live user but I don't need to be promised something and then have that taken away.

For that I say fuck off Microsoft, I needed a break from video games anyway.

Stages: M. Bison

Note: the title should be read as a parody of David Bowie's "Changes" (i.e Staaa aages)

M. Bison. The Dictator, the final boss, the guy who's personification has evolved from basic to bulky to overtly realistic to whatever the fuck hes up to these days. Its safe to say that his status as a boss has severely diminished, like Bowser and other villains he was quickly forced into the lovable baddie role. Now he's just misunderstood, replaced by other uglier and stupider bosses (I mean blonde Jesus? wtf??)

The problem with Bison's stage is that its not representative of any country. Bison doesn't fight for a country, he fights for evil and by evil I mean a flag with a winged skull on it. Doesn't get much more evil than that does it? Sure I've heard that the stage is in Thailand, there are monks and a huge bell after all, but Bison doesn't look like a monk or like someone who's just in it for a good fight.

No, he looks more like a Caribbean dictator or, at most, an Eastern European dictator. So why then isn't Bison fighting out of Nassau or Belgrade? Ugh Capcom, did you really want to throw another character representing a country that is already represented? I mean your game is called The World Warrior, how about getting more of the world in there? I know there was no Wikipedia back then but surely you could have gotten ahold of an old CIA fact book.

Maybe that's why he technically represents a flag with a skull on it: Sagat was already from Thailand and so was Adon. Sure this was the height of the Michael Dudikoff and the American Ninja franchise but this didn't mean we needed more and more martial arts bullshit. Congrats, because of you we now have the UFC and the glorification of the bellicose douchebag.

Hipstamatic

Hipstamatic is hands down the greatest iPhone app ever made. Essentially its a camera app with a bunch of filters in the form of different camera lenses, flashes and film which make your pictures come out as nice retro looking little squares. The pictures come up with a character and a depth that is can only be achieved with the cameras of the sixties, seventies and eighties. No high definition, super megapixel finery. It's sweet and to the point.

The interface is pretty sweet: a plastic camera with a view finder, a flash button and some other crap. The standard package comes with three lenses, a standard flash and two or three films. Three more "hipstapacks" are available for purchase and after buying those you now have an entire package with (by my count) 216 different combinations all for a total of $5.

All of this just so I can justify showing that kickass picture of me in my Ghost mask. Yes I bought a Ghost mask. It comes straight from the UK (you know just like Ghost) and is completely badass even without the sunglasses, beanie and headphones which would complete the look. We still miss you Ghost.

So This Happened

Seriously this is officially the worst kept secret ever. The leaked list of "new" characters appearing in Super Street Fighter IV has all but been proven to be true, with today's unofficial confirmation of Makoto, Dudley and Ibuki coming to the game that only leaves the "new Arab fighter" Hakan. Ummm ok, could they not have unveiled this officially some months ago?

I've talked about this before, many times, and if you follow the Street Fighter tag you'll notice that my tone has gone from incredibly excited to cautiously disappointed to just plain angry at the money grab. As far as the technical aspects go these three new characters look just as good as the previous releases and the original characters do. When Capcom decided on this character style they picked a winner and I'm glad they're sticking with it.

Loser of the Week: NBC and their fucked up Olympic coverage. Almost nothing is broadcast live (especially here in the West Coast, in the same time zone as the fucking Olympics!), they give the American public live figure skating however. Ugh figure skating? that's not actually sport, wheres the hockey? snowboarding? bobsledding? At least I got to see some live curling today.

RPG n' Poker

Sword & Poker is a game whose title gives me no choice but to believe that it was made by Chinese game developers. If this is indeed the case, and granted I am only one google search away from finding out, then we have lots to fear for because the Chinese have far surpassed us in ingenuity.

The game is so simple it makes me wish I had been brought up by an oppressive pseudo communist junta. A 5x5 grid in which cards are to be placed, two at a time with an initial setup of nine, in an effort to create poker hands. So lets say that the board currently has a Jack and two fives if you have another five and a jack you go ahead and place them and bam! full house.

Sure anybody could have thought of this (and I'm sure many folks have) but this game adds in tons of RPG elements that make it stand out from the detritus (thats the second time I've used that word since starting this blog btw) of card games across all gaming platforms. The player moves along dungeons full of baddies, he faces them in turn based combat and defeats them by getting good poker hands, depending on what the hand is is the amount of damage done: a single pair is weak while a straight, flush, straight flush or royal flush is the balls.

The player is able to purchase weapons, shields and other objects which help him (her?) along the way. Different weapons have different abilities and dish out different damage. You know like in any other decent RPG. There is a ton of strategy (from using magic to the ability to strategically pass your turn), the music is strangely reminiscent of early Zelda games and the art is top notch.

Overall its a nice little package whose ability to infuriate and frustrate is only surpassed by its ability to help pass the time while waiting on the bus and/or hospital waiting room.

A solid three golden apples out of four.

In other iPhone news: Capcom is releasing Street Fighter IV for the handheld system. No word yet as to what the fuck they are thinking.

Guile Gets Caught Committing Insurance Fraud

Via Unreality

Pokemon: The Next Generation

Kotaku has a story out today about the newest Pokemon (character, above) signaling the beginning of the new Pokemon (game, movie). This is now the FIFTH generation of Pokemon games and, probably, characters. While the last time I complained about the ever expansive nature of the franchise and yearned for the days of only 150 characters I have come to realize now that this is no longer being made for me so in reality who gives a flying fuck.

The whole situation reminded me of the Power Rangers franchise. One which I grew up with, thoroughly enjoyed and was soon disappointed with. Like with Pokemon my main problem was the move from the original characters to replacements which threatened the very show I loved. I was pissed off when three original rangers were replaced, little that I know that the reason they were being replaced was because they wanted more money.

I was also angry when the Might Morphin' Power Rangers became the Zeo (or whatever) Rangers. Again, little that I know that this was inevitable as the entire show was nothing more than a repurpose of a Japanese show that had been running for thirty years each year changing the costumes and even the protagonists. Had I known this maybe I would have been more inclined to roll with the punches, instead I ended up letting go of my obsession. Of course the fact that puberty was around the corner and I was attending a school with mandatory uniforms didn't hurt either.

But getting back to Pokemon: its now gotten to the point where not only myself but two or three other generations are just about over it yet it continues to thrive as one of Nintendo's most important franchises. The reason is obvious: it finds new markets (you know like capitalism has to necessarily do according to Marx), new kids to which to advertise and to give them something new they add new characters. This makes them feel special while simultaneously giving the older obsessive some more to obsess about.

Loser of the week: A little late on this but its Jim Caldwell. Congrats mate you lost the Superbowl while having the best quarterback in the history of the league on your team. That doesn't happen, it shouldn't happen, Peyton Manning only loses to the Chargers in the playoffs and with the Chargers out of the way you rode the easiest way to the big game possibly ever and you...become more conservative than George W. Bush in 2004 and call some horrible plays. You were up 10-0 go for the fucking jugular! but no, you let the nervous Saints back in and now its gonna be Mardi Gras all year long. Congrats man, you probably wont be back.

Picture Post 10

I've been on a real patriotic kick lately. Not sure if its because of my recent conversation to American citizenship or because I've been watching John Adams or because I've begun to appreciate a Sam Adams. So on to the military. We have the most badass military either because of or in spite of having a convoluted military industrial complex. Either way the real people who to go war are the soldiers and not the corporations, this here is one badass American soldier.

Inspired by or the inspiration for Ghost?

708 Words on Super Street Fighter IV

Some Super Street Fighter 4 updates.

Capcom has revealed the box art, some new character sketches, a release date and a ton more information about the upcoming title. The main theme of all these updates has been general disappointment. Nothing extraordinary is in the works, nothing that merits a $50 price tag for a "new" game which is made up mostly of "improvements" to an existing title. In other words so far it really does look like a money grab. Let's look at these things individually.

The new art is horrible. Yes I talked about it before, when it was first released and I was liking it at the time. But the stuff I've seen recently is beyond atrocious especially considering what the art for SF4 looked like or even what Udon is doing with the franchise. This new style, that looks like either pastels or cloth depending on how high you are, has no dynamism at all. There is no sense of action, of movement, the characters look bland, uninspired and deformed. By god look at what they did to poor Zangief!

This leads directly to the box art which is nothing more than a copy and paste of the previously mentioned character art. It's beyond boring, nothing is happening on that box. The Japanese and European boxes are a bit better but not great either, just simple photoshops of characters. They should have created something unique for the box instead of relying on clip art. How about a cover with just one character? and how about this: make that character NOT Ryu? if you insist on getting Cammy in there at all costs why not just give her the cover, or Guile, or fuck it take the SF4 cover and substitute Ryu and Ken for two of the new characters.

Speaking of new characters, nothing has been revealed since Adon, Cody and Guy and that was a few months ago. Last year even! We pretty much know that the other characters will be Dudley, Makoto, Ibuki and a new guy called Hakan. Here's the thing: I don't care for any of these. Honest. I've never played them, had they gone with a character I've actually used and mastered (Remy, Necro, Juli, Juni) I might actually be excited. And the new character? when I heard it was gonna be an Arab fighter I was way happy, then I saw what is possibly a picture of him and....its a guy in a gi. Another fucking guy in a gi? what makes him Arab? is it a special gi? Frustrating.

The other big thing: new ultras, new outfits. Some of these are gonna be great, Cammy in a tiny Bison outfit? yes please. Zangief as Colossus? of course! Dhalsim in traditional Brahmin garb? I'll take two. New ultras? also a plus but for someone who loves visuals and art as much as I do That's really a secondary bonus. The thing about it is these could have been downloadable! I would pay good money to see these costumes in Street Fighter 4. Hell I already did it once. The new characters could have been downloadable also, it would have been much more difficult to pull off sure but if Soul Calibur did it I'm sure Capcom can do it also.

See the main problem here is we're gonna be paying (a lot) of money for what amounts to DLC and a repurchase of the original game. There is not $50 worth of newbies in Super Street Fighter 4, that would be impossible. It's also not a new game yet they want me to spend the same money I spent for Modern Warfare 2. I don't fucking get it, is Ghost gonna be a playable character? I didn't think so.

So in the end: it'll be worth it once it trickles down to $15 on Amazon. Which is only fair because the announcement of this game made my SF4 worth about that much. I'm sure it'll sell like hotcakes to the rest of the Street Fighter nerds (my fellow nerds I should say) but I'm simply gonna have to pass (for now at least). There are too many good new games out there and this is merely good bonus content for a game I already own.