Happy New Year!

And a happy new year to all! this is not the time to talk about how quickly this decade, let alone this year, passed by. It did for sure but tonight is not the time to talk about it. No tonight is a time to celebrate in style.

And for me that means a night spent with some Carlsberg, Rockband, the Girlfriend and possibly Inglourious Basterds on Blu Ray. Indeed I am not one to go out and socialize throughout the year so I'm not about to start doing so at the end of the year. It also means a continuation of the tradition of going in to work the next day with a hangover.

As for the blog...its been a good nine months hasn't it? sure we continuously fluctuate between actual reviews of old video games (the object of the blog after all), Street fighter praise and nonsensical diatribes regarding a fictitious character killing off a skull balaclava wearing homie of mine but that's all part of the fun. Do I dare make any promises as to whats coming up in 2010? I do not, mainly because I have no idea what's coming up in 2010.

That's it for now. Happy 2010.

Mario Bros Wii - Gameplay

Just yesterday I finished (NEW) Super Mario Bros. Wii (horrible title) the best game to have ever come out for the forsaken console and was wondering how to tackle it in blog form. Mega post? separate entries focusing on individual aspects? ignoring it completely? I finally decided to go the separate entries route so today we focus on gameplay. Other entries will deal with powerups, characters and so on.

This game is a piece of retro gaming deliciousness. The mechanics are identical to every sidescrolling Mario game from the original Mario Bros. to the numbered entries, World, and the DS titles. Yes despite the gameplay being so familiar we haven't had a game like this on a full size console since Mario World on the SNES. Instead we've been treated to variations on the Mario theme in the form of Mario 64, Sunshine and even Galaxy. Not bad games by any stretch but if I want to play a 3D platformer I'll just...well actually I don't want to play a 3D platformer.

Of course the main differences are the better graphics (better but not in the same league as what Microsoft and Sony are doing) and the inclusion of some of the Wii remote's unique uses. For the most part, however, the game consists of Mario making his way through very long 2D stages, getting powerups along the way, jumping obstacles, destroying baddies, grabbing coins and so on.

The game is markedly more difficult then anything with the Mario title in the past. The stages are huge and powerups are scattered at the rate of maybe 1.5 mushrooms per stage. If this seems scant (and it is) its nothing compared to the number of Yoshi's scattered along, by my count the green dinosaur appears only in three stages and if you make it to the end of a stage with Mario will dismount and wave goodbye to him before going to the next stage. Yep, gone are the days when you could simply go back and grab a Yoshi.

While the powerups are limited the baddies and pratfalls are not. The jumps have to be better timed, the baddies are fiercer and more varied. While the game is incredibly difficult in single player it gets exponentially worse in multiplayer. Yes its awesome that four players can play at the same time but it leads to fucking pandemonium. There are many ways to play multiplayer: when everybody fends for themselves it sucks because you're playing on one screen and all characters have to be on that screen at all times which means you have to wait for your retarded cousin to get to where you are before advancing, when playing cooperatively it sucks because the game slows down and you find yourself just carrying your retarded cousin (in the form of a nameless yellow toad) to the next level.

But playing in single player is incredibly fun precisely because its so challenging. You can grab one of the older Mario sidescrollers and beat it in a few hours, in a day at the most, but not so with this game. It took me a solid week to finish it and for this the game developers must be commended. They took a formula which we're all familiar with and made it challenging. And for the better because, honestly, at this point who can't start playing any older Mario game and finish it within the same day?

Replay value is added in the form of star coins or coinstars or whatever they're called. Three huge coins with star imprints are scattered through in each level. Now at first you're only told you can use them to buy hint videos (useless) but then Peach (Toadstool) teases something about world 9 after you finish the game and how you can only play through it once you have every star coin from each stage. Fucking great. I just spent a whole week thinking I didn't need these things and now I have to go back? ugh.

But in the end its an awfully enjoyable game. It's very difficult but its also very difficult to put down. I found my wii remotes constantly needing new batteries (something I've never seen before) and I really appreciated Nintendo not having me stand on some sort of board or making ninja slices or attachments and shit to actually enjoy this game. The best games for Nintendo consoles are those made by Nintendo. This is both a blessing and a curse because you often end up with shitty third party titles but then again the proprietary titles are so good that it makes you want to get a Nintendo console because you cant find these anywhere else.

Coming soon: Talking about power-ups, characters and the long promised Koopa Kids post.

Loser of the Week: TMZ. Haha you spent countless thousands of dollars for an old tattered up picture that purports to show John F Kennedy whoring it up on a boat with some naked Europeans, you call such picture potentially history altering....then it turns out all you bought is a photoshopped version of a picture that originally ran in a 1960's issue of playboy featuring paid models including "Andy" who doesnt even look like JFK. Hahaha, and you put your ubiquitous watermark on it! thus assuring the internet that your dumbassery will live on forever.

Happy Xmas

Happy Christmas from myself and Bad Mr Frosty. Man talk about creating an entire video game around a single character! The original Clay Fighter had eight playable characters (I believe that is the minimum) and most were not thought out at all, except for Mr Frosty. Let us now take a look:

Taffy - A piece of Taffy? this guy is essentially the clay version of a stick figure.

Blob - Ok we need an extra character and we have this lump of clay left how do we reconcile these facts? googly eyes!

Helga - Yes an actual humanoid but whats up with that breast plate? her torso consists of three round pieces of clay, thats pretty lazy.

Tiny - The ugliest wrestler in a video game ever. More googly eyes!

Bonker - Ok Bonker is pretty cool, Ill give em that.

Blue Suede Goo - Good concept but his entire body is made up of one lump of clay, there is no detail whatsoever.

Ichabod Clay - A Pumpkin head with a piece of rag for a body. The Pumpkin is detailed, nothing else is. Also the internet has no picture of him (there's one in that Bonker pic)

N. Boss - the laziest most throw-away boss ever. Is that a pearl necklace with, yes, googly eyes?

It's unfair to criticize this game as it did what it could with what it had and if I remember correctly it was pretty enjoyable. It just happens that I'm a horrible person.

So again, Happy Christmas! (I don't like the word merry, when was the last time you saw it used in a none xmas situation? Merry Melodies and Robin Hood's Merry Men both relics of the 50's). Bad Mr. Frosty might be a great christmassy character but you know who's better? Sumo Santa. He says Happy Christmas too.

Stages: Balrog

Note: the title should be read as a parody of David Bowie's "Changes" (i.e Staaa aages)

Today we take a break from the usual Modern Warfare 2 stuff and come back to an old classic: the stages post. Balrog (or Mike Bison, or Vega or Boxer) is the second boss character in the original Street Fighter and the third American we profile. Just like Ken and Guile's, Balrog's stage shows us a completely different aspect of American culture: the excess most commonly associated with Las Vegas.

It would have been too obvious to have Balrog's stage be an actual boxing ring. It would have also been very interesting seeing how Vega's stage was so unorthodox, another odd stage with different properties would have been fun to play in. Balrog could have projected off the ropes and landed devastating punches, alas he still lands devastating punches but does so with significantly less theatrics.

Instead he's fighting in the middle of the Las Vegas strip, in front of the Golden Nugget Casino no less, which shares the backdrop with some fancy cars, bikini-clad women and a substantial array of pimps. This fits in perfectly with Balrog, especially as his character evolved throughout the series. He is portrayed as a less than average intellect who uses exceeding brute force and fights strictly for the money.

Does the stage portray the excesses of capitalism? of American culture? not exactly. The kind of depravity that goes in in Vegas, if you're willing to believe their own motto or "The Hangover", is very specific and unique to Vegas. What we are seeing, then, is not commentary on American decay but rather on that of Las Vegas. That this might be what some choose to think about when they think of the U.S is a whole other discussion and is completely reliant on that person's own values and viewpoints. In other words its just as valid to think this is America as it is to think that the wild west, the slums of Detroit or the concept of gum smacking is what represents us (and this blogger can now, happily say "us" as he recently became a U.S citizen). We are informed by our perceptions, obviously, but we choose which perceptions to believe.

The stage itself is awfully lively. The characters in the back move around quite a bit, the music is fast paced and the challenge of facing Balrog and his quick punches and charge attacks is something that feels completely in place in such a stage. That Balrog was originally an unlicensed clone of Mike Tyson doesn't hurt either. We've all seen Vegas fights and are familiar with the tacky glamour that accompanies them, here is a chance to take part of this glamour, in 1992 using a green electric beast man.

The stage received a great update in the recent HD remake of Street Fighter II. The bikini wearing women remain as do the pimps (one of which looks like a white Snoop Dogg meets Daniel Day Lewis in Gangs of New York) but a douchebag wearing a baseball hat and basketball shorts (poker player? yeah definitely) and an escalade have been added. Oh yeah this is excess. This is decay, this is, and they will be the first to tell you, Vegas.

Doom Indeed

So here it is. My reward for finally beating Modern Warfare 2. Not that it was a particularly difficult endeavor, the game itself is pretty short, but it was immensely satisfying. Never had a game immersed me so deeply into its narrative. Sure when I first played Bully I wanted to get myself an Astronomy Club vest but this actually had me depressed when one of my war buddies was been killed.

Yes I did take that picture from the Call of Duty Wiki but I also took a picture of it when it appeared on my TV. For proof of course. I did manage to get my hands on a copy of the first Modern Warfare, the one I couldn't finish because it was stolen by a crackhead when I was barely getting started with it. Sure I'll finish this one too but what I really want is to get my hands on the third MW. Yes I realize that just a month ago I was making fun of this game. No I dont care.

For my Homie

Let me take a moment to pour some of my 40 on the curb for my homie Ghost. Today while on assignment in an estate looking for information on a known terrorist in Russia we were both gunned down by a fucking traitor who then proceeded to steal our information and burn us alive with gasoline. To add insult to injury he lighted the fire using his cigar. Fucking ponce.

Ghost was a consummate badass who saved my life a couple of times and led us to success in more than a few missions. His impeccable leadership and knowledge of computers and jails got us through that crazy stage where we broke a bloke out of prison. His trademark skull mask scared the shit out of enemy combatants. Fuck he even has his own comic book! but now he's dead and he's (probably) not coming back.

Motherfuck that Shepherd guy. Now I'm gonna have to kill him.

Loser of the Week: Time Magazine. You named Ben Bernanke the person of the year? why? for not fucking up the economy even more? I thought his job was to fix this thing, it doesn't look like its getting fixed. Well unless you're a Wall Street CEO who's bonus is protected by the government. Good job Time Magazine, just two years ago you picked another consummate badass (Putin), last year you picked the most powerful man in the world (Obama) and this year you pick some moron. You shoulda picked the guys who created Twitter but you pussied out.

Tiger Woods

Tiger Woods is watching you masturbate play video games. In hindsight everything that Tiger Woods touched now seems inappropriate, ironic, and out of place. I downloaded this theme a long time ago and never actually used it but now there is no way I don't do it.

In related news EA has announced that they will do absolutely nothing regarding the use of Tiger Wood's in their golf game (Tiger Woods PGA Tour or some shit). This will likely be a dealbreaker for any casual fans who just might feel like playing Golf on the Xbox. I'm sure there are a few diehards out there who camp out every year to get the new Tiger Woods who will surely do the same next year but for the normal gamer? just seems like the inclusion of the adulterer would be toxic for the game.

More Modern Warfare

You know for someone who doesn't really care for Modern Warfare 2 I sure do write a lot of entries about it. Here's another one!

Being the nerd that I am I've always been fascinated by insignias, logos and so on be they military, commercial, athletic, you name it. If it has an identity I'm interested in it. This is probably why I have a collection of patches, probably why I have Uniwatch on my RSS feed.

My favourite part of Modern Warfare besides the pointless violence, then, is the various teams that are available in multiplayer. There are a total of six different teams all with their own unique logos, in-game chatter, uniforms and so on. Today we take a look at these teams identities, look for inspirations in the real life and compare them according to overall badassery. I apologize in advance for the poor quality of the emblems, apparently they haven't made their way to the internet yet so I just borrowed them from some youtube vids.

-Rangers - An obvious one, these guys represent the United States Army, specifically the Army Rangers. The colours and the star are borrowed directly from the widely used U.S Army logo (the one that accompanies all the swag you pick up at high school job fairs). The star also appears on the Rangers insignia. Sadly there is not a single trace of a lightning bolt on the game emblem but at least they kept the gold, the rifles complete the coat of arms in the most literal way possible. As for badassery? the Rangers have a swagger about them with their insistence on leading the way.

-Seals - The U.S Navy, the emblem has an eagle holding onto a sword whereas in the actual emblem the eagle is holding either an anchor or a trident or whatever else it can get its claws on. The emblem is finished off with a globe and what appears to be the Star Trek logo in the background. The SEALs have always been the most acclaimed and famous special ops team in the U.S military. They also have that swagger about them in the game but their crop is certainly devalued since all teams have the same abilities. In reality the Seals would probably kick the most ass.

-Task Force 141 - The main group in the single player game, I've always considered them the British team and with good reason, not only do the soldiers talk in British accents but the emblem is based on the British Special Air Services (SAS) division. The skull and the crazy looking plane in the back are an addendum as is the laurel which helps frame the emblem. The badassery of this team is seen in the single player campaign, ergo I have yet to see it.

-OpFor - The Middle Eastern team, an ultranational (but not Islamist?) faction that fights in the streets and mountain tops wearing assorted keffiyehs and other assorted terrorist ware. The logo is a typical one for an Islamist group, it instantly reminded me of the logo of the real life Muslim Brotherhood. The various swords, the crescent moon, the flame in the back, they really went for all the markers and were able to fit them into an emblem that can fit into any faction in any country in the Middle East. They're fun to use because you're using the bad guys, but not a lot of badassery.

-Spetsnaz - Quickly close your eyes and think of two things that scream "Communism". Chances are at least one of those two things is either a red star or the hammer and sickle. The Spetsnaz emblem in the game is just that, a hammer and sickle inside a red star. It doesn't get much more Soviet than that. The real Spetsnaz did not have an official logo and it appears that the one used in the game is based on that used by the KGB. Since the Red Army is no more, Russian intelligence falls under the umbrella of the Glavnoye Razvedyvatel'noye Upravleniye or GRU, naturally this new organization no longer uses the old communist insignia. When you constantly use the word "comrade", by the way, your badass level is through the roof.

-Militia - Finally the Brazilian militia which isn't modeled after any particular group but is sort of a representation of similar groups found throughout the world at various times. A clandestine, revolutionary group with a particular goal: usually to overthrow the government but frequently just to work as an organized crime syndicate. These are not soldiers but ordinary malcontents, their emblem is a red hand which is reminiscent of other movements that have sought change through revolutionary means. It is also fairly easy to reproduce: after a political killing simply dab your hand in the blood of your enemy and press it against the wall, bam! instant calling card. The militia is also up there not because they're taking on some of the most powerful military forces in the world while wearing casual clothing but rather because one of their members dares wear a Boca Juniors shirt. In Brazil. That dude has got some balls.

Jumping Tigers

I have no idea what is happening here but this picture is absolutely amazing. Apparently its from a Dynasty Warriors spin off, to be precise its from the most awesome Dynasty Warriors spin off ever. Yes its a fucking jumping tiger.

Let us now expand on this topic. I've never actually played a Dynasty Warriors game even though the franchise now includes at least seven or eight games. I suppose it came out during the odd time when the PS1 was the balls and could get away with mass pixelation. Sure the newer games look better but if that wasn't enough of a turn off then the fact that its some sort of strategy clusterfuck really ruins the whole thing. I like to think that it's Final Fantasy using non-copyrightable historical figures.

The art ranges from good to passable generic Tekken copy. Don't get me started on Tekken either. The gameplay I dare not comment on as I'm sure it has its legions of fans. Still that tiger up there is really something to think about.

A Downward Spiral

The visual identity of electronics, of anything really, is of paramount importance if a company wishes to create even a modicum of brand identity in its potential customers. Hence we get stories of how Steve Jobs designs everything around a new apple release, we see official guidelines that companies put out dictating how their visuals have to be handled and so on.

The objective is to engrain an image into the consumer's mind so that as soon as a brand is named (or read or whatever) there is an instant visual accompanying it. Think of the Wii and you think of the odd remote, the over reliance on white. Think of an iPod and you think of white headphones and those shadow commercials they use to run. Think of Playstation and you instantly picture oppression and the long used PS logo. What about the Xbox?

Simple right? the green gash that was used for the original Xbox. When its laid out in black its the original, for the 360 Microsoft paired it with white. You put the gash in a globe, add some nice colors and font and you get the Xbox 360 logo. A pretty, Web 2.0 identity that says "yes we're for hardcore gamers but we also care about families, we're not oppressive oligarchs like Sony but we're not pussies like Nintendo".

But the thing is that was not the original Xbox 360 logo. When it was released the overlying visual was the psychotropic, green-yellow-white-blue, moving, mind fuck spiral. When the 360 was released in 2005 Microsoft had that spiral everywhere, but after some time (and I couldn't tell you when) it went away, replaced by the sphere and the wordmark. Sure its still used today but its hardly the primary mark. So why did it went away? some thoughts below.

Firstly the spiral is impossible to reproduce, especially on a small scale. Imagine trying to get that thing on a polo shirt and have every individual strand appear as it does on a computer screen or a piece of paper? its impossible. Any logo needs to be reproduced on all sorts of scaled and the spiral simply does not work. Add to that the huge amount of negative space in it and the fact that that space probably has to be filled with white and you have a logo that is impossible to work with.

The X-gash is not only part of the visual identity but its actually part of the controller, going to it as the main visual simply makes sense from a marketing standpoint. The spiral, at most, is part of the box and the box gets thrown into the trash after you make sure your system works.

Could it also be that a spiral as a video game logo has been done before? specifically by Dreamcast? I suppose. Though the Xbox and the DC's spirals have very little in common, I'd say nothing except for the basic shape and the fact that they both appear on machines that are primarily white in color. The thing is that by 2005 the Dreamcast was obsolete, Sega was out of the hardware business and fear of litigation should have been minimal. It probably was since the Xbox spiral still technically is part of the larger visual package.

The answer is probably a short google search away and its probably not as romantic as the shit I'd like to believe so I'm just going to assume I'm correct in assuming that the logo's uselessness and its similarities to the Sega system ultimately killed it. In the end if I were Microsoft (and I'm not) I would have gone with the one visual that comes to everybody's mind when they think Xbox 360: the Red Ring of Death.

Oh Snap!

Modern Warfare

We got Modern Warfare 2 for the 360 about a week ago, despite my lack of interest in playing games in which you control a gun that shoots others (I know I made that joke before) I found that the combination of the hype surrounding the game as well as my basically free 3 month Xbox Live Gold subscription has had me playing it pretty frequently.

I mentioned in my previous mockery of a post that the usual critiques of a military game, including the glorification and nationalist spirit, applied here but do not necessarily demerit from the experience. It has been my experience, rather, that militarism and nationalism and all other isms though present are fairly contained in this game.

Glorification of the military is limited in online multiplayer. Sure you mainly play with a group focused on a single objective but your team members are hardly united in the same manner as in the actual military. There is a lack of comradeship here probably because you have not spent time training with these guys, you don't care if they die and so on. There are also a number of different factions which fight it out and which you don't select. It's difficult to form a bond to the Rangers or the SEALs, for example, when at any given point you are assigned to be a member of the Red Army or a Muslim Jihadist. Now the Brazilian militia? that's just absurd.

Nationalism is mainly present in the form of selectable titles that consist of a variety of national flags. Yes if you're American you can use an American flag, if you're Mexican a Mexican and so on. Obviously anybody whose willing to use these things instead of other callsigns are predisposed to do so from an earlier age as a product of a specific upbringing. But even when you know this shit, when you think the way I do, you still cant help but wear a comm device and let everybody know that you've just been killed by a Chinaman or that you just shot a Filipino or that that Mexican is really starting to fucking annoy you. It's not necessarily a bad thing, its actually kinda fun.

That's enough of this. I don't want to go into specifics because its not my thing and, honestly, there are very few defects in this game. It's fun, it appeals to a certain instinct, its highly customizable. It's like Tamagotchi for men.

Loser of the Week:
-Gillette. Haha, what the fuck? first Thierry Henry cheats his way into the World Cup now Tiger Woods cheats on his wife? you better hope Roger Federer doesn't kill a hooker any time soon.

Wild Shot

Annie's Wild Shot is a game I bought some months ago but have been avoiding doing an entry about. It was the first game that convinced me of the iPhone's capabilities as a gaming device. See before this game I genuinely thought that games for the phone were an idiotic idea, that they couldn't do much with the platform therefore most games produced would be just like other puzzle-centric games on other cell phones. In short I just thought game developers were phoning it in with their games, this looked like they actually meant to produce a quality title.

And there is much to like: the graphics are superb, done in a very color rich animated style using a palette of pastels and drawings straight out of a well made flash game. In other words its pretty to look at. Gameplay uses the touch capabilities of the phone for shooting, reloading and looking to your sides. It's a first person shooting gallery game in which you control a pink haired girl instead of the usual grunt taskforce/militia.

Unfortunately there is also lots to dislike. For starters the shooting involves touching and hitting whatever you want, there's no trigger or buttons or anything to mimic either a gun or a controller on a game console. So you just feel like you're tapping on a screen, I realize that most games on the iPhone have you doing this but others do a better job at making you forget this sad point.

The game also might be a bit too easy. It has four or five levels with a Western boss a the end of each one. There are three parts per level: the first one is a shooting gallery (in which you are rarely shot at) the second is a chase and the third has you battling the boss in a unique way. It can be entertaining but it's not challenging and feels like you're gonna finish it in under in hour (which you certainly could do).

But the art is ultimately this game's saving grace. Sure its a bit weird to shoot pink paintballs at enemies but the fact that they're pretty makes it ok. Sure the protagonist is a pink haired tomboy but, again its ok. Sure she drives around in a traffic buggy but, again, its fucking eye candy. The great music doesn't hurt either. Also: cutscenes!

So what's the final verdict after this crazy mishmash of love and hate? I dont know. I really dont know, I'm actually torn over a fucking iPhone game and its pretty ridiculous. I know, but I simply don't know.

Oh hey Cody, Guy, Adon

Three more new characters for Super Street Fighter IV were unofficially unveiled today as some dude scanned a Famitsu magazine which does not come out until Friday and was supposed to signal the official unveiling. Somehow I really don't mind these spoilers.

Guy, Adon and Cody are the three returning characters. Nothing out of the ordinary, we sorta expected them. I don't care for any of these so its all a big meh for me. I'm glad I know three more characters sure but the actual characters do nothing for me. Design wise they look great updated to the SFIV style, if anything I'd say Cody's prison outfit should be baggier. We'll have to wait for high quality official artwork to be able to critique them.

Looks like the reveals are going to be made three at a time and possibly done on a monthly basis in order to maximize the hype up until the release.

Check out Hadoken.Net for more info.

KOF meets NBA

Well now I can't decide whether this flickr gallery of mashups of NBA players and King of Fighters is the worst thing ever or the best thing ever. I think I'm gonna go with best.

Let us now count down how this in fact is the best thing to happen to the SNK franchise in years:

-KOF: Maximum Impact brought 3D action to the 2D stalwart. This would be great if it wasn't for the fact that the characters suffered from heavy polygonitis and the gameplay was choppy at best. It also relied heavily on a few new characters who were frankly horrible.

-Bankruptcy in 2001.

-The release of King of Fighters XII with brand new, beautiful sprites. Too bad the game has been universally panned as incomplete and lacking in replay value. That games like Blazblue and Guilty Gear had already taken KOF's 2D throne didn't help, that Street Fighter made a marvelous return with SFIV didn't help either.

-There's a new KOF live action movie coming up with promises to be horrible. It's so bad that it probably already did come out but nobody cared.

Yes, the fact that somebody decided to photoshop Shaq as Chang Koehan (and keep the beard) is definitely the best thing to happen to King of Fighters this decade. Ok, except for the adorable alternate costume Leona had in Maximum Impact.

France '98

To celebrate Thierry Henry's magnificent use of his hands to land France a spot in the 2010 World Cup (and make UEFA, FIFA and all sorts of other acronyms very happy) we have a wallpaper from the earliest FIFA titles (the earliest?).

At the time these graphics were fucking killer, the gameplay was amazing and it actually had announcers. This was unprecedented, I remember being amazed at how they could achieve such thing. Not only that but the introduction? it gave you some Chumbawamba.

This was more than 10 years ago, the level of complexity that goes into today's FIFA, from rosters, teams, uniforms, online play, ball physics, stadiums, chants, is unbelievable and cannot even begin to be compared to what was going on then. The question then is what is a soccer game going to look like 10 years from now?

Man that is so dumb

"Hands Down" (Warning: Youtube) by Dashboard Confessional has been stuck in my head for the better part of two days now. I'm not exactly sure why a self described emo song would be in there but it is and I have a crazy hankering to play it on Rockband (ha! I just tied it to video games) but the problem is its 180 points and I only have 70. I could add points but I don't want to. What to do. What to do.

In other news that X-Plorer whose customization I analyzed in exhausting detail some months ago has broken. This fucking blows. Now I have four guitars and three of them are broken in some form or another. I'd like to believe I've just played them too much and messed up the gears (I certainly did play that custom til it could take no more) but most likely they're just meant to be break after playing for some time.

The good news is I have a replacement in the form of a GH3 Gibson wireless which is jet black (ok its just black) and to which I have attached the Weezer inspired lightning bolt strap. It actually looks pretty cool. Add to that the three months subscription to Live Gold that I bought for $5 today and I'm a pretty happy camper.

Now if only I could get some better updates on this thing. You must admit though, even if by "you" I mean "me", yesterday's post was the shit.

Oh hey its Paul McCartney

Princess

Rosalina > Toadstool

Somebody had to say it.

Super Empire Strikes Back (!)

Super Empire Strikes Back is not, by any means, an easy game. It's a standard platformer in which the main character must pass through multiple stages fighting off multiple baddies with multiple weapons and the help of multiple, well, helpers. The reason why this game is more like Dungeons and Dragons than, say, Mega Man, is because while in MegaMan you encounter an enemy every once in a while in SESB it's a neverending parade of creatures trying to kill you.

You start off as Luke Skywalker in Hoth (a planet which is very cold) with a lightsaber and a pistol surveying the area for meteors or some shit. He gets to right around in a Tauntan, he gets to fight wampas and so on. You know like that in that one movie. Right from the get-go there are tons of enemies shooting off spores or bursting or running at you or fucking biting you. It is unrelentless and, for some reason, it takes about five lightsaber hits to kill some of these things.

Most levels are like this but in other planets or environments. In some you fly around in vehicles, in others you fight off a boss. The player is helped by a password system which keeps you from tearing your hair out in frustration every time you get killed (it happens often). You get a number of continues, when you use one Yoda's head tells you to "do or do not, there is no try". The voice of Darth Vader also appears sometimes.

Not much more to say about this game. The lightsaber seems weak like the other weapons mostly because the enemies are so tough and numerous. It was the middle game of the "Super" trilogy, followed by Super Return of the Jedi whose cover is the only instance of an official Star Wars product downplaying Slave Leia. Empire came out in 1993, a year or two before the relaunch of the original trilogy which signaled a resurgence of the Star Wars phenomenon.

Since the relaunch the machine has not stopped, producing three prequels of varying quality, as well as countless merchandise, television, video game in other properties. Star Wars has always been a part of the video game landscape to this day, from the early games to Shadows of the Empire for the N64, to KOTOR to Battlefront to the appearance of some characters in SoulCalibur 4. Lucas is not exactly hesitant to license his intellectual property and this could be readily seen in 1993 and even earlier on.

The Onion: Modern Warfare

Apparently today is a big day in video game land as Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 was released to throngs of anxious fanboys waiting to get a glimpse of life on the barracks. I must admit all this love for this game sorta appeared out of nowhere, it seems like three or so weeks ago everybody started talking about, Wal Mart started making some of their annoying "did you get ______ yet" commercials that only air during Madden season and people were going gaga over a special package that gives you actual night vision goggles. Because that's what you need.

Anyway you can always count on The Onion to lampoon such an occurrence. This time they've produced a video talking about Modern Warfare 3 which promises the most realistic military gameplay ever. Everything from "waiting around for hours" and "cleaning humvees" to countless fun "hauling equipment" and "filling out paperwork". These are only a few of the jokes in the beginning of the news story. It only gets better. I rarely laugh out loud to anything I read or see online but I was definitely Lol'ing with this video.

I wont embed the video because two video posts in a row would be gauche. Watch for the link at the end of this entry. I'm not against this game per se, I just dont really care much for it. I had the first MW and I played it for a bit before it was stolen by (I assume) some crackhead. Of course I found that it glorified military life to a great extent but I'm not enough of a fucking liberal blowhard to be offended by it. People trying to make the military look badass? my that's shocking! I also find that games in which you control an arm holding a gun don't really hold my attention for very long. Yes at this point in my life I'd rather play a fake guitar than shoot a few fake Afghans.

But getting back to the Onion video, it appears it was somewhat produced with the aide of the developers of this game which means that they at least have a sense of humour and realize that their game might be exaggerate what the military does and are willing to take a few jabs at the whole situation.

Aaaaanyways, watch the video here:
Ultra Realistic Modern Warfare Game Features Awaiting Orders, Repairing Trucks - The Onion

I Will not title this "Juri Duty"

Here's the deal. When Capcom teased us with Super Street Fighter IV they did so mainly with promises of new characters. Sure the game would be beefed up graphically, musically and gameplay wise but the one thing you cant get in SFIV that you're gonna really want are new characters. Sure its a money grab but everything is a money grab, right Call of Duty Super Mega Special Collector's Edition? Hence, with money in mind, did Capcom unveil T.Hawk, Dee Jay and Juri.

The first of those two characters we know and don't much care for as that sense of discovery is long gone. But Juri is a different story altogether. She has basically been used as the face of this new iteration, she's the most palpable "new" aspect of this game and as such has been paraded all over the internet. Dee Jay and T. Hawk might make old schoolers happy but Juri is Capcom's promise of excitement to come.

With new images, information and videos being released seemingly on a daily basis I suppose now is the time to make a semi-informed decision as to what kind of character she'll be. So here's what we have so far:

She's the first Korean and Taw Kwon Doe fighter in the series. Ok this means nothing to me, not that I have anything against Korea its just that since they went away from personalized stages she could be from the fucking moon and I wouldn't be able to tell where she's from. She's Korean, that doesn't come through in any of the things she does.
She has great kicks and two somethings in her hair. Hmm dont we already have a character with those characteristics? also those points she has for hair remind me of a pinata.

She has a beef with Bison. Storyline means nothing to me. The whole thing is too
convoluted.
She has a pretty cool fighting style. She does. It looks like she's fast and her kicks seem more powerful than Chun Li's. Yes this is a plus.
I like her design. Yes I do, I've criticized the parachute pants and hair thingies but she looks cool nonetheless. Let's be honest most of SF's designs are out there, from the old (Vega) to the new (Viper), Street Fighter isn't afraid of being out there. Sure Juri might seem a bit too fantasy-y but I'm willing to give her a chance. This isn't King of Fighters.

I could go on. Actually I couldn't but I have a video that makes my point for me. The thing with these new characters is that they're designed in 2009 to blend in with characters from 1989. It's gonna be a mishmash, its gonna be a bit off regardless of whatever design is released. The final verdict will have to wait until the game is released, we know what the rest of the characters look like and I've had a chance to play it.

Video Game - E3 2009 - X-Play

Here's that video. Also: bonus stages!

Stages: Vega

Note: the title should be read as a parody of David Bowie's "Changes" (i.e Staaa aages)

The Spain stage is unique in the Street Fighter series in that it plays an important role in at least one move that Vega can perform. When the masked-clawed one decides to jump against the wall like fucking Spider Man and jump on top of his rival that fence has to be there otherwise it looks like he's just floating in mid air.

This was not a problem in the original SF2 because Vega was not meant to be a playable character but merely one of the final four Shadaloo members. Therefore the possibility of him ever playing in another stage was nonexistent and the developers were free to chain him to that stage as much as they could. In later games, in which he was actually playable, his moves were altered so that he jumps off the edge of the screen and not that fence.

But back to the stage. It seems that the working idea behind its design was to cram as much Spain in it as possible. He's fighting in front of a chained-off restaurant in which patrons are no doubt eating tapas as they enjoy a flamenco dance in front of a bullfighting mural. This is Spain in the late 80's, a fun place to enjoy drinking, eating, entertainment and a good fight. It's in Europe sure but it retains that luster and excitement characteristic of a downtown in a culturally rich third world country. There's socioeconomic commentary for the month.

The music plays a vital role in the selling of this as SPAIN. It appears to be borrowed directly from the intro music used for Don Flamenco in Punch Out. Globalization not being what it is today, knowledge of Spain was limited to flamenco music and tapas, there is no sign of the first world socialist haven that the country would evolve into. But at least its not mired in the civil wars and fascist dictatorships that the country suffered through in the middle of the last century.

As for Vega, well he evolved. Not a lot really, he still appears as an ADD raddled metrosexual in the latest Street Fighter game, but at least he has been consistently portrayed as the most cold blooded member of Shadaloo throughout the anime, manga and games. Unfortunately the same cannot be said with the slap in the face that was his casting in the Chun Li movie.

Mario RPG: A Primer

Released in 1996 Super Mario RPG might be the best game to ever come out for the SNES. I'd argue its the second best but we dont have time to talk about Mario World 2 right now. RPG was created by both Nintendo and Square as a combination of the famous Nintendo characters and the gameplay and style made famous by Square in such games as Chrono Trigger and the early Final Fantasies.

It was a complete overhaul of the Mario franchise: gone were the days of sidescrolling mario saving 2D Toadstool, now there was possibly the first ever 3D rendered Mario going through an up and down world, talking to townspeople, teaming up with Bowser and saving Princess Peach. Luigi was presumably MIA.

Like any other RPG the player could form his or her party to battle against foes in turn based combat. Bowser and Peach (or maybe it was still Toadstool) along with two new characters (probably Square characters) called Geno and Mallow. The first looks like an odd Italian magician while the other looks like a marshmallow or a cloud. Honestly it's kinda complicated. I'm sure there was a lot of thinking being done and a lot of weed being smoked. It should be noted that this is probably the first time Bowser is portrayed as a charismatic, if flawed, figure instead of an all out villain, this theme would continue in later games.

The bad guy is some crazy sword or something who runs the "Smithy Gang". I have no idea what this means but its definitely a poor choice of words. It reminds me of a smodcast. The group then walks around solving numerous puzzles, playing multiple mini games, gaining experience, talking to townspeople, gathering items and fighting enemies. You know like in those other RPG's of the time.

The graphics were fucking 3D renders! the gameplay smooth, the story innovative. In short it was a nice effort by both companies. The game did not have a sequel but there were numerous Mario RPG games released afterwards. Though they may be more imaginative and better graphically Super Mario RPG is still a worthy predecessor.

So what is all this about? well I wanted to get a copy of the game to review and reminisce. I have very special memories of this game and was curious to see if these memories were romanticized or justified. The problem is a copy for the SNES can run you about $50 on eBay, or more. So what's the alternative? the Wii virtual console. For about $8 the game is now ready to go on the
Wii, I've started playing it and will have a report up some day. But this was part 1, the primer if you will, hopefully the second part will be up soon.

Explanations

I've been a bit of a whore lately. While I claim to be big on old school games and detest the complicated gameplay and mechanics of the newer systems I have recently been on a tear on the Xbox 360. In the past week or so the following games have appeared next to my tv:

• DJ Hero
• FIFA 10
• Soul Calibur IV
• Grand Theft Auto IV
• Rock Band 2

Add to this my ongoing obsession with Street Fighter IV (so many IV's) and I have reached the point where I have no idea what game I should be playing. All of this while Super Empire Strikes Back, The Lion King and a few other SNES games gather dust in the next room. I'm a bit of hypocrite but fuck it I appreciate the advances in graphics and the innovation of music games. Also fighting games, fuck how I love fighting games.

Anyways this explains the lack of substantial updates. And even though I now hate myself because I promised never to do a "this is why I haven't been posting" post I just had to do it. I'm sure this will pass and we'll get to those SNES games and that much promised Koopa Kids post but for now fuck it, I'm gonna go play some more Rock Band 2.

Catherine Says

"The political Liberty of a Citizen is the Peace of Mind arising from the Consciousness, that every Individual enjoys his peculiar Safety; and in order that the People might attain this Liberty, the Laws ought to be so framed, that no one Citizen should stand in Fear of another; but that all of them should stand in Fear of the same Laws."

-Catherine II of Russia

Or not in fear at all. Is it truly necessary for laws to be feared in order for them to be effective? I'd say fear is the necessary consequence of punishment, laws need not be made to punish. That a Citizen would follow a law because it's morally adequate instead of out of fear of retaliation should be the goal of the monarch or any other ruler.

The Characters of Bloody Roar

For some reason Bloody Roar is a game that I am fascinated with. I've never actually played it as it was around during a period of time in which I couldn't afford the newer gaming systems (the Playstation, Xbox, Saturn?) and these polygon heavy games simply weren't made for my Nintendo consoles.

But the concept is pretty cool: a fighting game in which your character has a separate gauge that lets you transform into a fucking animal mid fight and wreak some havoc on your enemies. It's a very interesting premise, one which was sorta explored in Altered Beast but which is better done here.

The art is what fascinates me. The drawings, for the most part, have a great anime feel to them that I'd really like to see taken into a fighting game (it's not as good as BlazBlue's but nothing is). The biggest drawback, and the reason why this series isn't as beloved and why I don't even care to hunt down a PS copy for my PS2, is because the game is in 3D. Yep it suffers from the same problems as Rival Schools and that's a shame.

But we're not here to focus on that, we're here to check out some of the character designs, especially those of the first games. These characters are exceptionally well done, it's like they took the animal as a base and then created a human around said animal. The results often go overboard in their obviousness but they're still pretty cool.

Yugo - I'm assuming he's the protagonist. A wolf, I don't really see a wolf in his design (way to ruin my thesis asshole). He's probably a loner. It's nice to finally find out where Capcom borrowed Abel's nose from.

Alice - A rabbit! First of all the hair is an obvious reference, the name is probably derived from Alice in Wonderland (which I believe features a rabbit also), I'm willing to bet she has rabbit teeth too. Oh and the red eyes, because all bunnies are murderous.

Long - A nerdy buff guy as a tiger? yeah that actually makes sense. I get the feeling tigers are a symbol for wisdom in some cultures and if that's not enough it looks like this guy is into martial arts. Tigers and Asia? sure why not.

Bakuryu - what the fuck is that? a mole? oh ok, so it makes sense that the poor guy looks like he's blind, but did they really need to give him that nose? Apparently they changed his looks from the first to the second game, they made him younger. This makes no sense, a mole isnt necessarily synonymous with youth.

Mitsuko - I'm not sure what's going on here...is that a warthog? shit, is that a woman? I have no idea but I don't want to find out either.

Greg - I am having a love affair with this design. The buff guy (the Zangief if you will) of the title is a fucking gorilla? no! he's a gorilla with a hat! genius. And both versions have that great beard. Too bad he didn't make it to the sequel.

Fox - Obvious name is obvious. I dont like this design, what is she some sort of body builder? no, most likely she's the Morrigan to Alice's Felicia. Still I dont like it. Seems lazy, the bodies are the same they just changed the face.

Uriko - a half cat? why did they have to break the pattern? you couldn't make her a full cat?

Gado - I have nothing to based this on but I'm saying this guy is German. Not only does he look like a lion but it looks like he's trying to look like a lion. I applaud this. Look if you're gonna be stuck as some sort of animagus for your entire life you'd might as well go all the way. A little hair gel and some mutton chops go a long way.

That's all the characters for the first game. Like I said had this game been done in 2D it probably would have been better. It's a shame it wasn't, it's a shame it decided to go with what was hip at the time and it's a bigger shame that they couldn't even do that right.

What I've Learned

These are just a few things I've learned after a few months of playing Street Fighter IV on Xbox Live. I've managed to amass a fair amount of fights, wins and different opponents and have gathered some substantial, and subjective, data regarding the community. Most of these things are stupid but some are really interesting.

• -While Ken remains the easiest character to use, and by far the most popular selection, he is not the most annoying. In order to counteract the huge quantities of Ken's you have to play at any given moment you simply select another Ken. Everybody knows how to use them and those who don't can easily pick him up. He's also awfully powerful and his attacks have high priorities.
• -The most annoying character is by far Blanka. People who use him have a particular system which completely depends on being attacked first. They simply wait and shock you, and if you don't let them do that they do that annoyin roll attack. Blanka's attack are too weird to plan a proper strategy against, fortunately it's not easy to master him and most simply choose not to.
• -There are proper and improper ways of using Zangief. The proper way involves using his great defense and large mass to walk towards an opponent, grab him and suplex him. The improper way involves just standing there like a fuckin dumbass and perform his stupid spin attack which absorbs everything. I accept that Zangief is a badass and should be tough to beat because he manhandles you but you don't have to annoy me while doing it.
• -The four new players are about as popular as gonorrhea. Yes they have their hardcore users, especially Abel, but El Fuerte's speed, Rufus' girth and Viper's weakness are not draws for anybody. I tried to use Viper but she doesn't do any damage and takes way too much.
• -Gen isn't very popular either. Vega isn't very useful. Balrog has one attack and it consists of him charging and grunting at you. Rose is the best antidote against the faux badasses that use Akuma. Sagat is too powerful, Seth isn't cheap when you use him, Gouken is easy.
• -The toughest fuckers out there are the ones who really know how to use Chun Li. Jesus Christ, she has lots of possibilities: I've been kicked, combo'ed, short punched, focus attacked and Ultra Combo'd to death by the Chun Li users. At this point I simply select a random.
• -Speaking of which here's the code: if you set your selection at random and your opponent does the same then you both must select a random! it's happened way too much that we're both at the random icon and I pull the trigger and the moron I'm playing then moves one up and takes Ken. It is fuckin annoying.
• -Some personal statistics: The three characters I've selected the most are Honda, Fei Long and Sakura. I've never actually used Honda but my brother does and he uses my account. Fei Long is the character I've used the most and I'm getting pretty good with him. Sakura I don't use much anymore (I did when I first started playing), Ken I use a lot but only against other Ken's or Ryu's. I'm definitely not the only person that has Rufus at the bottom of their most used list but I'm probably one of the few that have Ryu second to last in said list.

So there it is. I didn't add links with pictures because everybody knows what these characters look like and what they consist of. For those who don't there's this handy guide. I fear my SFIV online days might be drawing an end since I'm getting Soul Calibur IV in the mail this week. Is SCIV as good as SFIV? Don't know, we'll find out.

Noel Vermillion's Gun

It deserves its own post. I don't know if I should fear it, look for it in my cereal box or create my own out of discarded cardboard. It's not a small secret that I'm a BlazBlue, nay a BlazBlue art, fan and her dual shotguns have to be my favourite part of the game. Ok so every part of this game's art are my favourite but those are some great guns.

Portable Rock Band!

The great thing about music games, Rock Band and Guitar Hero and their imitators is that they give you the ability to feel like you're playing music even when in reality all one is doing is playing away on small plastic guitars. Despite this there is little denying that the games are fun, addictive and above all profitable. So how to transfer the concept to the handheld market?

The companies have certainly tried, Rock Band launched Unplugged for the PSP with a simple button mashing system while Guitar Hero launch On Tour for the DS with an included peripheral and mimics the fret buttons on the plastic guitar. Both seem fun, neither are actual representations of playing an instrument

Now comes Rock Band for the iPhone. The game doesn't reproduce the feel of the instruments either but at least it doesn't try to. Instead it takes the four available instruments (guitars, drums, vocals, bass) and modifies them to play on the touch screen, notes continue to flow from top to bottom but to play the note the only requirement is to touch the fret button that represents that note. In the case of the vocals there is no actual singing, instead the vocals flow like notes that the player must hit as they pass.

Here's the predicament: should they have tried to reproduce instruments or did they take the correct route? On the one hand I don't want to look like an idiot playing my phone like a guitar or singing to its microphone but on the other hand...I sorta do. The thing is, however, that had they done full on instrumentation instead of tapping notes less people would be inclined to buy or play the game. There is also no doubt that it would not have been a very good game. Not to say that Guitar Hero On Tour and its peripheral suck, its just that thats not the way its done on the iPhone.

The game does have the feel of a Rock Band game. The menus and interface are very similar to the console version and includes some great tattoo inspired images drawn up exclusively for this game (thankfully they dont reek of Ed Hardy douchness). It comes with 20 songs none of which feel like filler. There's some Smashing Pumpkins, Blink 182, Foo Fighters as well as some classics from Lynyrd Skynyrd and other bands. The list is robust and varied enough to keep it interesting but if they're not enough the in-app music store offers two song packages for $1.00. Thats fifty cents a song! cheap!. Hopefully it will be updated weekly and include some free songs (it had two free songs on launch). Super Power (or whatever its called) is included and triggered by tilting the phone, bass groove comes back, unison bonuses are there too.

There are some negatives that need to be addressed: firstly the game cannot be played on the horizontal screen, trying to play on hard vertically is somewhat impossible, especially when trying to maneuver through combined notes with both thumbs. There simply isn't enough space. There is also no character creation or even character selection, it seems that the characters take a back seat, there is only one screen with four characters, one for each instrument. When actually playing most of the screen is taking up by the notes, leaving only about 1/5th of the screen for video of the band playing. Unlike the console version (and for obvious reasons) the video is not unique to the song, instead there are about three different videos which play randomly. This isn't such a big deal as its impossible to actually pay attention to it when playing.

At $10 it might seem like an expensive game but lets keep in mind that other hand held versions of rhythm games retail for much more than this. Overall its a solid, entertaining game, with endless possibilities thanks to the music store and the ability to update seamlessly via the app store. There is multiplayer but its limited to local bluetooth and I don't know anybody that's going buy this game and the person I share apps with simply doesnt care so I wont be taking advantage of this feature. Same goes for the facebook integration but this doesn't matter.

Magna Carta

How is it that I never heard of this game until today? I don't so much care for the game, I haven't seen any screengrabs or gameplay videos but damn look at that art. I never realized that the Koreans actually had it in them.

It's times like these that I really appreciate Blogger not having any minimum word requirements per post.

Some Green Arrow

Today we talk about the history of one of my favourite comic book characters in video games. I'm talking about the Green Arrow. More than being a poor man's Batman, the Green Arrow has always struck me as simply a more leftist alternative to the Dark Knight. While their respective back stories might be similar Green Arrow actually cares about poor people, druggies, politics and so on while Batman is happiest when he gets to spy on citizens and beat up baddies. To each his own.

The main draw of both of these heroes, however, is that they're more based on reality than the Superman's and Green Lanterns of the world. This is where the fraternity and similarities between Arrow and Batman end however. While Batman has a huge following and large multimedia presence Green Arrow's appearances have been limited to comic books and Smallville. On the one hand this means that those of us who like the character get nerd cred for being fans of a more obscure character but on the other hand there is always the latent possibility that the book won't sell enough and get canceled. Batman doesn't get canceled.

Thus there is no list of old video games in which Green Arrow has appeared, no beloved classic that made him thousands of fans, no beloved classic to look back upon and remember what a long tradition of Green Arrow video games there is. Nope, none of that. BUT because it can't all be Batman and Superman DC recently made Green Arrow a playable character in its MMORPG DC Universe Online. So now do we not only finally get to see Olly in video game form but we also get to play as him in an online multiplayer full of thousands of Batman's. For a small fee. Woo Hoo!

My cynicism is unwarranted. I don't play MMORPG's so I can't appreciate their awesomeness, but I do appreciate DC finally doing something with my favourite character. And for that here's a gallery of screens from the game. This probably won't lead to a blockbuster movie deal (though I could see Olive Queen in the Nolan Batman...) but its a step up from the usual. For now it's probably for the best that he remain a cult favourite, overexposure has a way of ruining obscure characters, right Deadpool?

Stages: Ryu

Note: the title should be read as a parody of David Bowie's "Changes" (i.e Staaa aages)

We now reach the last stage of the original (selectable) characters of Street Fighter II. Like Honda's bathhouse Ryu's stage is set in Japan, not in modern neon Tokyo but in a more traditional setting. Japan is widely known for the juxtaposition of old and new, Ryu's stage has no juxtaposition its simply a rooftop in traditional Japan, where it can as easily be 1889 instead of 1989.

The stage doesn't say much about Japan in the late 80's, it is the only stage that is way more interested in representing it's character than its country. The twilight, the moon, the religious buildings all reek of transcendental meditation and all other spiritual mumbo jumbo that Ryu is known for.

I've always thought that making Ryu so focused on fighting and training (as opposed to, you know, women, booze and fast cars) was a bit annoying. Sure he can be all about having a good fight but come on! he has to be interested in other things. This quest to be "the best" has to take a backseat sometimes but apparently it doesn't. Honestly it makes Ryu looks pretentious and this stage does not help dissuade this thought one bit.

But like I've mentioned in other posts this is a necessity in a fighting game, Ryu might have been the first one and he remains the best. Truthfully we already have a more laid back, more relaxed Ryu and his name is Ken.

Getting back to the Ryu stage: I always thought that the shinto rooftop had a couple of cannons crossing it and for the longest time had a completely wrong idea of Japan. This type of house or shrine can be found throughout Japan so it works. It's not flashy or nationalistic but neither is Ryu so I suppose it works. Like I mentioned in the Honda post the game producers were able to go deeper into Japan than into any other country therefore the stages that emerged were not as stereotypical nor exaggerated here. Of course this also doesn't leave much room for our type of analysis.

Well this was it for the first eight but it's not the end of Stages. Shit, its barely the half way point. Next up will be the four Shadaloo bosses (one of which fights in my favourite stage) and afterwards its off to the new challengers. After that there's still a bit more planned. But that's still a few months away so no worries.

Finally I should mention that I got most of my screen shots (and blog pictures) from Moby Games. I assume its a great site, I'll add a link in appreciation.

Street Fighter + Mega Man

For the past two days I've been looking for an excuse to post this picture. Finally I gave up and determined that I have no need for excuses. I mean just look at those things! I have no idea which one I like more, I really do want to just hug and squeeze all of them

Found here.

Southpark, Smaller, Shorter in Your Pocket

It's hard to believe that Southpark has been around since the mid 90's. Back when I first got to the U.S it was a novelty, one which middle schoolers with cable were all too happy to embrace because of its, then, unheard of humour, profanity and animation.

Thirteen seasons later the show has evolved from pure grossout to social commentary. This is not to say that the gross out factor has disappeared, its still there, but it has at least grown up, in the same respect as its viewers and former viewers have. That the show has jumped the shark is uncertain, I haven't watched it in a while, but it still is consistently funny and its number of seasons is starting to reach Simpsons or at least King of the Hill like notoriety.

All of this just to talk about the brilliant Southpark Mega Millionaire for the iPhone. The game takes the familiar kids from Southpark and throws them into a stereotypical (but fun) Japanese game show, the kind that makes people humiliate themselves for money and goods. The tilt controls and reach-the-goal mechanics would have worked with any popular or non-popular characters, the Southpark kids therefore work great here as the show has previously explored Japanese culture and the bright pallette of colours meshes perfectly with the games art and style.

Here you take turns using Cartman, Stan, Kyle and Kenny as they navigate through various stages (on roller skates) with various obstacles and variables thrown in for good measure. From having to carry something on their head to dealing with greased up floors or having to serve tea to four "masters", sumo wrestlers, the wheel of misfortune, the challenges are varied enough to keep one entertained without ever feeling repetitive. Successfully completing challenges earns a player goodies as well as giving us some great screens of the Japanized characters along with tons of flashy Kanji which very well could say "you suck for playing this game" for all I know or care.

This is not only a great game but its also a great satire (in the Southpark spirit) of Japanese game shows in general. The host is reminiscent of the crazy dude from Lost in Translation, the odd phrasing is reminiscent of Japan's love of Americana which in turns fuels our obsession with Japanese culture. If Japanization is inevitable, if its already happened and cannot be reversed then we're definitely headed to a better place. I for one welcome their Pocky, Katamari and beer candy and if we can get some of our icons into their concepts (like in this game) then all the better.

I know I say this a lot but this is one of the better games for this platform. It uses the phone's abilities to perfection, it has some great art, its cheap, licensed and very original. There's not much to complain about, obviously those who loathe South Park will be hard pressed to buy this but they dont have to, unfortunately they'll be really missing out.

This. Is. Jeopardy

To celebrate the tenth anniversary of the U.S Congress not ratifying the Comprehensive Test Ban Treaty (CTBT) today we present a wallpaper from the SNES version of Jeopardy (the one I derided just one post ago).

I realize that:

• nobody has ever asked for a Jeopardy for the SNES wallpaper and
• I am quickly running out of shit to post

But how can I refute an opportunity to post this picture? Just look at Jim, I cant decide if he looks more like John Hodgman or Max Headroom. All I know is he has a ton of cash, not sure if he won though as there was a woman next to Rob and I did not bother to notice her total when I truncated her from the picture.

Anyway, enjoy the wallpaper and take a moment today to celebrate whatever random occurrence I picked up from wikipedia that I mentioned up there.

This One Goes Out

To the manly, scraggly looking woman who tried to sell me Porky Pig's Haunted Holiday for the SNES yesterday for EIGHT FUCKING DOLLARS. I didn't buy it, obviously, but I found the woman's complete lack of tact to be something noteworthy. So I'm noting it here.

I don't know if the game is any good, all I know is that it's not exactly rare nor famous. It's available on eBay at buy it now for no more than $3 and those are copies that are guaranteed to work. This woman had at least six or seven games on a table (including Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy) along with the yellowest SNES systems and controllers.

She wanted 8 dollars for an open, yellowing, dubious copy of Porky Pig's haunted mansion, a game that features one of the worst Looney Toons characters and probably sucks anyway? I dont think you understand the concept of a Swap Meet. Or of fucking capitalism for that matter.

Seriously lady, what the fuck? I understand you just might find a collector or a desperate parent to sell it to but I've had trouble selling complete PS2 and 360 games for $5 to $10 and you're telling me you want eight dollars for a copy of Porky Pig you probably found in a dumpster outside of a Salvation Army thrift store?

Congratulations you're the reason for this fucking recession.