Golden Miner

Here's something different, lets talk about a game for the iPhone. The reason is simple: though it had never occurred to me apparently many believe that the iPhone (and the iPod Touch) are actual gaming machines that can compete with the DS, PSP or whatever other portable system is thrown out there.

I've always considered it at best a viable platform for touch based puzzle games but apparently you can have Sims, Metal Gears and even Sonics (no not these Sonics) decently ported into the phone. With the advent of the faster 3Gs the game market should grow more and more.

Besides Bubble Bash and the brilliant Pocket God I had never bought a game before, until yesterday that is when I went looking for something to spend a dollar on, finally landing on Golden Miner.

So what is this game about? well its really simple: you play as a heavier set Wario look alike prospector with overalls and a winch (not a wench) whose job it is to fish for gold and other assorted goodies underground. The Wario look alike is rewarded with points, he has to get a certain number in order to move on ot the next level. There is a 60 second time limit per round, a limit which proves brutal when Wario has to haul the heavier golden nuggets.

The game is surprisingly difficult: there are moles, skulls, rocks and barrels of fuckin TNT on the ground which get in the way, frustration can quickly set in at around level 20 but really who wants a game that can be beat with one play? at the current price you get 99 rounds for 99 cents, a really good deal.

The game was developed in Beijing so the constant misspellings of English are easily forgiven if not encouraged. The lack of proper grammar gives the game an overall clandestine feeling akin to eating at a taco stand in the middle of the night in Tijuana: you know its probably not good for you but it feels so right. Take this great description of what the bombs they sell you are good for:

"After you bought it, when you grab item, you can click the screen again to bomb the item"

Further proof of the clandestine nature of the game can be seen with the other character, the one which appears on the game icon, who sells you the items in between stages and who is referred to simply as Sexy Girl. There is no need for such a character in the game, its a gimmick and what is worse is that its a blatant attempt to capture what an American male would want to see in a character, but the name of the girl, her appearance and her temper are so exaggerated and gauche that it borders on the ironic, making it actually kind of hip. That made no sense whatsoever, the easiest way to explain it is with this link.

In the end its a fun little game, it has enough levels to keep one entertained and its cheap enough that it can easily find a spot in the second or third page of the iPhone.