Because The Onion is the best satirical newspaper ever I thought I'd share this great article that details a new documentary about Mike Tyson in Punch Out. Its a few months old, I read it when it was first posted and it was one of the reasons why I started eightbitter.
There is plenty of room to work with when reminiscing about the video games we grew up with, the NES, SNES and Sega generation of the late 80's/early 90's has grown up and become aware of the brilliance of our childhood video games despite their limitations. And we openly mock and venerate them, more so than past Coleco or Atari generations simply because our video games actually looked like video games and not dots or jumbled pixels.
Anyway, read the article its fuckin hilarious, heres an excerpt:
"'MY BODY [WAS] JUST SO TOTALLY COOL,' a wistful Super Macho Man said during promotional interviews. Twenty years after his heyday, the clinically depressed former bodybuilder is confined to a wheelchair, the result of medical complications arising from the weight of his enormous upper torso bearing down upon his tiny legs."
The rest is here
New Mike Tyson Documentary Features Exclusive Interviews With Super Macho Man, King Hippo
By the way that kickass Punch Out scarf can (could) be found here.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
The Onion: Punch Out
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Golden Miner
Here's something different, lets talk about a game for the iPhone. The reason is simple: though it had never occurred to me apparently many believe that the iPhone (and the iPod Touch) are actual gaming machines that can compete with the DS, PSP or whatever other portable system is thrown out there.
I've always considered it at best a viable platform for touch based puzzle games but apparently you can have Sims, Metal Gears and even Sonics (no not these Sonics) decently ported into the phone. With the advent of the faster 3Gs the game market should grow more and more.
Besides Bubble Bash and the brilliant Pocket God I had never bought a game before, until yesterday that is when I went looking for something to spend a dollar on, finally landing on Golden Miner.
So what is this game about? well its really simple: you play as a heavier set Wario look alike prospector with overalls and a winch (not a wench) whose job it is to fish for gold and other assorted goodies underground. The Wario look alike is rewarded with points, he has to get a certain number in order to move on ot the next level. There is a 60 second time limit per round, a limit which proves brutal when Wario has to haul the heavier golden nuggets.
The game is surprisingly difficult: there are moles, skulls, rocks and barrels of fuckin TNT on the ground which get in the way, frustration can quickly set in at around level 20 but really who wants a game that can be beat with one play? at the current price you get 99 rounds for 99 cents, a really good deal.
The game was developed in Beijing so the constant misspellings of English are easily forgiven if not encouraged. The lack of proper grammar gives the game an overall clandestine feeling akin to eating at a taco stand in the middle of the night in Tijuana: you know its probably not good for you but it feels so right. Take this great description of what the bombs they sell you are good for:
Further proof of the clandestine nature of the game can be seen with the other character, the one which appears on the game icon, who sells you the items in between stages and who is referred to simply as Sexy Girl. There is no need for such a character in the game, its a gimmick and what is worse is that its a blatant attempt to capture what an American male would want to see in a character, but the name of the girl, her appearance and her temper are so exaggerated and gauche that it borders on the ironic, making it actually kind of hip. That made no sense whatsoever, the easiest way to explain it is with this link.
In the end its a fun little game, it has enough levels to keep one entertained and its cheap enough that it can easily find a spot in the second or third page of the iPhone.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Flaming Mario
Well I finally figured out why I like the original Mario Bros. 3 graphics as opposed to the revamped SNES version of the same game.
Its because, as you can plainly see, when Mario changes to his fireball suit (as seen above) instead of having the traditional "painter" outfit, in Super Mario Bros. 3 he is wearing a customized Tampa Bay Buccaneers "creamsicle" outfit modeled after what the Bucs use to wear back when they sucked.
Even more obvious is Mario's mustache, sure they were prominent when he was created in the 80's but the fact that Bucco Bruce also had a mustache (albeit a more debonair one) is awfully suspicious.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Super Mario Bros 3
If there is one thing I've learned these past few days playing Super Mario Bros. 3 its that that is one fuckin hard game. If you're a game developer that wants to make a difficult game in 2009 you simply up the violence and the satanic imagery. If you want to do it in 1988 you call in this guy (and, ostensibly, his brother).
The beauty of early Super Mario games is that they start off easily enough with a couple of goombas and some tubes but by the end you're dealing with goombas, spiky monsters, piranha plants and (the best baddie ever) Boo. Not to mention a moving stage, quicksand, and all other kinds of natural obstacles. Fuck its like nature itself was against Mario rescuing Toadstool. (no, I will never call her Peach).
This is a primitive platformer, one with a plot that, if taken out of context, appears to be out of a bad LSD trip: you play as an Italian plumber with a mustache who must rescue the aforementioned princess from a lizard and his family, by jumping on various monsters, moving forward, going down tubes and climbing beanstalks. But dont worry, in your way you're aided by mushrooms, fireflowers, a leaf that turns you into a flying raccoon and a frog suit. This is what we were playing back in the early 90's and, yes, pretty soon we're gonna be running this country.
The gameplay level is so high, however, that these kitschy, nonsensical plot elements are quickly accepted and soon the player is engrossed in trying to get that fucking lizard. But this is limited to the games themselves, its no surprise then that when they tried to make the game into a tv show the results were fuckin horrible, when they tried to make it into a live action movie in which the subject matter was taken seriously starring John Leguizamo it was even worse.
Getting back to Super Mario 3, like I said its not an easy game, even though I managed to get pretty far ahead in one sitting it did feel challenging and I did have to repeat many a level. It is never tedious, however, because the levels are varied enough and it contains a high number of mini games which take the mind off the fact that you are failing to make it out of that water level.
Super Mario 2 was an atypical game in which one could play as both Mario Brothers as well as Toad and the Princess. It was also about pulling radishes out of the ground and defeating a pink dinosaur, so the true sequel to the original Mario game was Mario 3 and it was quite an improvement. Sure, Super Mario World of the SNES was better (imo, of course) because it introduced Yoshi (and I do love Yoshi) and the goombas were replaced by little tomato men but Super Mario 3 is not any less because of that.
If Nintendo is known for something in particular its for its ability to exploit its past for profit. This is not a bad thing when there is a progression in the games and this was certianly the case between 3, World and so on. I like the 3D Mario games (as introduced in Mario 64) but I love the sidescrollers even more, thankfully we can replay these either on the Wii, the old consoles or play new incarnations of the model on the handheld systems. Is Nintendo exploiting my nostalgia? yes but when its doing it with New Mario Bros and Superstar Saga then here have some more money.
Graphics wise I vaguely remember that the SNES version (on All Stars) had better colors while the NES version had a limited, opaque pallette. The Wii version is true to the original so the overall look of it is dated and often choppy, but few will argue with keeping it the way it was. The only thing missing would be hooking it up with an RF modulator to an old grainy TV and blowing on the cartridge to make it work, I'm sure I can survive without doing all of that.
I have yet to finish the game (I never did back in the day either) but I'll get around to it. I should also mention that the game features the Koopa Kids who are, I assume, Bowser's kids. The Koopa kids are the best part of this game as well as World so I'm going to devote an entire entry (later on) to them. Thats why we havent gone into it at this point.
To finish this thing off, who knew that a full twenty years later this game would retain its playability so well? I would have put my money on Sonic the Hedgehog.
Saturday, June 6, 2009
We Could be Heroes
I finally found that Sega gamecard that I was talking about the other day and took a picture of it (its up there ^^^)
My Hero was possibly my favourite Sega Master System game. Actually the game I played the most was a rudimentary baseball game, which might of been this one (by the way, wasnt Reggie Jackson retired by the late 80's? I dont know, but how can you argue with shit like this)
Getting back to My Hero, the premise was simple: somebody (possibly a greaser or a punk) kidnapped your girlfriend and now its up to you (not the authorities) to drop kick your way through a park (with pyramids?) to rescue her. What I remember the most about it is that I couldnt get through the frogs that spit marbles at you.
It was like Double Dragon but without the meaningless up-down scrolling and you controlled a ninja preppy instead of a homosexual couple.
I'm not going to do it justice so here is the best youtube video ever
Also today is the 25th anniversary of Tetris, I guess that when it came out we were completely justified in our fear of the soviets being better than the U.S.
To commemorate the occassion Google has done the usual:
Good on ya Google.
